squelchbaker blogs.

cranky day.

2012-01-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

today is cranky day.
today, i rebel and i refuse.
today, i don't want to do things the way i know i ought to.

fuck doing something new. fuck taking action. i have a friend who insists that action is greater than inaction. but i'll tell you right now that taking action SUCKS. inaction is easier. inaction means you don't get hurt as quickly.
taking action, well - it hurts sometimes. and you feel like an ass sometimes. and then you wanna sit in a corner with your stash of guilty-pleasure snacks and/or a nice bottle of something and not move til everyone around you has forgotten that you even existed in the first place, never mind forgetting what you did.
and there's no one you can apologise to, because really you're the only one that hurts and you did it to yourself anyhow, and then when you're curled up in the corner you say things to to yourself like, well, i guess i'm just a fucking idiot, why the fuck did i do that, that was so dumb, stupid, stupid, stupid, now don't ever do anything that retarded ever again, no, actually, NEVER do anything again EVER.
and then you feel like crap.
and the next time you throw inaction out the window, and oh, look! it backfired on you AGAIN! well, now you're just all kinds of idiot for not listening to yourself when you said not to do anything again ever. serves you right, dumb-butt, why the hell didn't you listen to your own advice, why the fuck would you do a thing like that when you knew what happened last time.
inaction is so much easier. inaction means you don't impale yourself on a stupid decision and end up bleeding all over the place.
doing something. bah.

maybe tomorrow i'll be back to my normal masochistic impale-myself-on-my-own-decisions self.
today, i don't wanna.

umbrellas

2012-01-12T21:11:00.000-08:00

i see thunderclouds scudding by
past the lonely hills, grey and muffled
disappearing over the horizon
driven before the gale like cattle

streaks of ice-cold rain chill the air
soaking into the crevasses of the earth
winter-bare branches reach sky-ward
empty nests perched on the highest limbs

the cold cleaves through skin and muscle
i have no respite from the implacable wind
here yet wander i, restless and uncaring
past silent trees and flood-sated streams.

i see the thunderclouds scudding by
past my lonely head, horizon to horizon
my hair grows wet with rain.
umbrellas are for wimps.

shards on the tile, shards of my mind

2011-12-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

is the glass half empty, or is it half full? because i find my glass has shattered on the tile, and i can see myself reflected in every tiny piece. here lies my eye, here my lip. here an ear and there an arm. no piece reflecting all, but each taking some small portion and throwing it back disconnected from the whole. do i mend it? or do i discard it? is it even worth thinking about, or should i just walk away and leave the shards lying where they fell, reflecting pieces of what they see? if i step forward or if i step back, my blood smears the tiles as the broken glass mercilessly jabs my feet; but if i stand unmoving, my reflection mocks me without remorse, all the tiny pieces jumbled together into a crude representation, not truly myself.

outside i see the trees. all the leaves are gone, vanished into some cruel fancy of the wind, or clustered on the ground in pathetic heaps. the sky hints of snow. the air is icy, and i shiver at the thought of going out.

if i had my way, i would isolate myself from everything and everyone, to go hide in some dark secluded hole, where no-one can find me. i would have no reminders of things left undone, of words left unsaid, of changes left unmade. i would see no shadows of things i could have done, should have done, ought to have done differently. and for once the snide and ruthless audience that resides in my head, and lives to tell me what i did wrong, will have silence instead of critiques. oh, to hear a void in my mind, rather than the opera-house full of mockery and ridicule, that would be glorious indeed.

my eyes sting with half-conceived tears, and a dull ache has settled in my heart. my emotions have tied themselves in a knot in the middle of my chest and will not come undone, no matter how or which way i tug, and the end will not show itself.

so is the glass half empty? or is it half full? or perhaps it is shattered.

A riddle.

2011-12-08T13:38:00.001-08:00

One if the riddles of my existence is the fact that I judge other people based on my own judgments of myself.

Sometimes when I'm with a friend, and I'm having fun, I would be perfectly happy to hang out with them all day. But when I think about how they are feeling, I assume that they are totally sick of being around me, that they want me to leave them alone, and that I am being a total nuisance.

I then spiral into a black and self-hating hole, where I assume that since my friend, as I assumed, doesn't want me around, then I am a horrible person, and therefore the world hates me and therefore I should also hate me, and if the world hates me, then my friend does too, and therefore I am an even worse person for inflicting myself on them, so then I hate myself even more.

And this happens even when I know the person really well.

I try not to let myself go into that sad little spiral, but sometimes, no matter how careful I am, I still slip up and fall in.

It's not fun.

what i have learned.

2011-11-21T20:29:00.001-08:00

you failed
the cry rang out across the hills
the world screamed out the words
you failed
and still my heart pounds louder than a drum
my ears have strained to hear
you failed
reverberates again
another shout, just those two words
you failed
no promise of later gain
no oath or pledge that i will pass the test
you failed

and a small quiet whisper in the back of my mind
insists to me
you failed, well done
you gave it your all
i asked no more,
you heeded the call
you failed
and i'm proud

now do it again.

it's a sea

2011-10-16T15:16:00.000-07:00

oceans of words
ebb and flow with the tide
of emotions in my soul

many words are not enough
and a single word too much
to articulate my meaning

i want to say more
i'm afraid to say more
waves of words bowl me over

and you are the cliff
against which my oceans crash
but i don't want to overwhelm you

please don't crumble or give way
just because of me
even if i want you to

because the oceans are fierce
rioting waves and flat calms
unceasing change

oceans of words
ebbing and flowing
look out before you jump in

SQUEEEEEE!!

2011-08-24T23:15:00.000-07:00

... as you can see, i am all full of fangirl squeals and geeking-out grins.

because *I* got to take some photos of the *EUREKA* series finale which they are filming in my town today - and not only photos OF, but photos WITH.

oh happy day :)

ten cent lies

2011-08-09T00:57:00.000-07:00

when all is said and done
which is more important,
what is said?
or what is done?

all the words in the world
can't cover up an action

and words are so cheap
what price can you put on a yes
or a no?
a lie is easy
and practically worthless
ten cents each on a street corner

even honesty can be a lie
when it is belied
by action

and when you say what you mean
is that really who you are?
or is it what you do
that tells the world
what kind of person you are inside?

ten cents for a lie -
how much do you want for the truth?

oh yes. i can cook.

2011-07-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

garlic paste

fresh basil paste

olive oil

dried oregano

dried basil

dried dill

salt

pepper

lemon juice

tilapia.

frozen veggie mix.

yellow bell pepper

mushrooms

avocado

spring mix.

orange juice concentrate

butter

cinnamon

nutmeg

frozen blueberries

ice cream

hand-whipped cream.

these are the results.

i tasted the fruits of my labour - and they were good.

i lied.

2011-06-27T12:39:00.000-07:00

... i mean, i didn't REALLY lie, just changed my statement.

um.

what i mean is, i switched one of my courses - now i only have to go back and forth to abbotsford once a week:

Mon - Web Publishing - 8.30-11.20 - Abbotsford
Tues - System Hardware Concepts - 10.45-2.25 - Abbotsford
Wed - Principles of Computing - 10.00-12.50 - Chilliwack; Intro to Programming - 2.30-6.10 - Chilliwack

same courses, different schedule - and my mom says i can sleep over on monday nights at their house.
yay!

i was very lucky, actually - there was one seat left in the tuesday class. i SO ninja'd my way in there. hah.

okay. back to bed for me. night all!

exciting times.

2011-06-25T00:05:00.000-07:00

so. i have registered for classes.
oi.
i'm half really excited and half freaking out. kind of like when i got my tattoo, but less painful and more expensive.

my schedule is gonna look like so:

Mon - Web Publishing - 8.30-11.20 - Abbotsford
Wed - Principles of Computing - 10.00-12.50 - Chilliwack; Intro to Programming - 2.30-6.10 - Chilliwack
Thurs - System Hardware Concepts - 1.00-4.40 - Abbotsford

now i have to buy my textbooks, and make sure my student loans will go through, and apply for scholarships and bursaries, and stuff.

oh boy.

never fear! i've returned!

2011-06-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

so i got asked recently why i haven't blogged in a while. "had i run out of things to say?"

no, but i have a great excuse!

my lappy, my lovely christmas lappy that my dad put together for me, decided, suddenly, that life was not worth living any more, and shuffled off its mortal coil, ran down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible! it became an ex-laptop! ... er. i mean ... the motherboard died.

so i purchased this:

it's a thinkpad t61p, and it's fantastic. yes, used. can't afford new. but it works great anyways.

unfortunately, ubuntu won't recognise the built-in webcam, nor does it currently recognise the ever so cool fingerprint reader - though i think there may be some software for it; i'm looking into that as we speak. if it doesn't work, well, it's really kind of non-essential, but it would be neat if it did work.

ah well. the small things we sacrifice for a slice of natty narwhal awesome.

in other news, i'm starting school for reals in september - i'm taking the CIS (computer information systems) diploma. heh. computers.

anyhow. that's all i got for now - but i'll be back! and in larger numbers! ... never mind.

frustration: a protest in silence.

2011-04-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

click the photo to see it bigger.

pretty pretty please....

2011-03-20T08:09:00.000-07:00

so i'm going to do something i have never done on my blog before:

i'm going to post a youtube.

reason being, i saw this video when i was watching tv with my roomie. it's a music video by someone i've frequently heard of, but never really listened to. the first time i saw it, it made me cry. which is unusual, for me. i don't generally cry during music videos. movies, yes, absolutely. Passion of the Christ, anyone? actually bawled my eyes out during THAT one. but i'm digressing. i just love the message in this song. it's something more people need to hear. so. without further ado:

...

i cried at the end [not where i would have expected given the content of the rest of the video], at the very last chorus when you see her daughter in the bed.

anyways.

what's YOUR reaction?
what did this make you think of?

3/14 ...

2011-03-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

march 14th is Pi Day! go eat piiiiiiiie.
[i'm such a geek.]

so i did the thirty day challenge - successfully, i might add, all 30 in a row with only one or two late posts. but now i don't know what to do with myself.
i have no poems floating around in my head at the moment.
i have no awesome photos to share.
and nothing super-duper interesting has happened lately.
besides the two random customers (both guys - coincidence? mmm probably not.) that have given me their phone numbers. THAT'S slightly disturbing. particularly as one of them is - well - probably as old as my dad. and i likely WON'T be calling him. he's a customer. that alone makes it weird. ah well.

the thing is, most of my day is centered around SLEEP. i spend all day sleeping, and all night working. my evening is mostly cooking.
so there's not much to tell, mostly.
i have the odd moment - like the day my coworker went to the drivethru window and informed the waiting customer that he had just finished devouring a soul, and that it tasted like lemon - but mostly my life is sleep.

speaking of which - it's approximately bedtime.
also - i must go shopping soon. maybe tomorrow. the pantry's looking bare.

haHA. i laugh in your faces.

2011-03-08T11:54:00.000-08:00

sillies!

... let me back up and explain.

my bike got a flat in the back tire. so today i had to fix it, otherwise i can't go to work. or - well - i can, but it'll either take me an hour's walk, or it'll cost me $15. since i'm cheap and i don't want to spend an hour on my feet, i'd rather fix my bike. so i went and bought a new inner tube, fetched the necessary tools, and removed to the parking area under our building where i keep my bike, whence i proceeded to remove the back wheel. you know. basic tire-changing stuff.

so i have the wheel and tire laid out and i'm just going through the tire with my fingers to find any puncturing culprits [which in this case was a blackberry thorn - gah. those things are murder!!], and along come two or three guys - in their mid? twenties? ish? - slightly older than me, anyways - and they're all giving me weird looks. one of them asks me if i need help. i'm all, "no thanks i got this :)" so they carry on heading for their car.
but it was so funny, i could see the phrase, "she's a girl! does she know what she's doing?" going through all of their heads.

but my tire is back on, the inner tube is properly filled, the chain is around the gear correctly, and i even straightened a wobble in the rim to top it off.

take that, male-gender-types who doubt the ability of female-gender-types to do dirty work. haHA. i laugh in your Hairy Faces.

[... please note that i do NOT laugh in the faces of the male-gender-types who Cheer For the female-gender-types who Do Stuff. you male-gender-cheering-types are okay. even if your faces DO grow hair.]

end of blog for today. must sleep.

some girly eyecandy

2011-03-06T07:55:00.000-08:00

so i was watching tv yesterday...
and sort of accidentally caught the last half of a couple shows. one of which was hairspray, but that's not the eyecandy i'm talking about.
what i AM talking about was a movie called Life as a House, and a Doctor Who episode called Midnight.

hayden christensen. in Life as a House. with piercings. and black hair. oh my. so pretty. and then he took the piercings out in the movie. i was all, nooooo! put them back!! TT_TT but movie people like to pretend that people take out piercings when they get all happy and stuff. oh well. silly movie people.
and then...

colin morgan. in Midnight. with black nail polish. and skinny jeans. and leather cuffs. and a skull chain on his pants. mmmm. so beautiful. but then again, colin morgan is just beautiful in general. i mean, anyone seen him as Merlin? ogosh. and then there's the british accent. *sigh*

anyways. that's all i wanted to tell you. toodles. i'm off to drool some more.

day 30 - movies you can watch again and again

2011-02-26T15:14:00.000-08:00

Serenity
Amelie (Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain)
Pride & Prejudice
Princess Bride
X-Men (any of them)
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Iron Monkey
Pirates of the Caribbean (any of them)
Lord of the Rings (any of them, as long as they're the Extended Edition)
Tarzan (Disney version)
Atlantis
Prince of Egypt
Lion King
Star Trek (the new one)
I'm Not There
Beauty and the Beast
10 Things I Hate About You
Harry Potter (any of them, with the possible exception of Half-Blood Prince - that one sucked bad in some spots.)
Sense & Sensibility
Shrek

and thus ends the 30 day blogging challenge. whatever will i do now?

day 29 - favorite tv shows and why you like them

2011-02-25T23:27:00.000-08:00

ooookay. this one's EASY.

1. Castle.

reasons i like it: a) nathan fillion. b) cop show. c) awesome characters and great tension between castle and beckett. love it. but i'm still anxiously waiting for castle to ask beckett out.

2. Eureka.

reasons i like it: a) sci-fi. b) general oddballness. c) awesome characters and some tension in this one too, between carter and allison. love this one as well.

3. Firefly.

does this one even need me to list the reasons i love it? really? any browncoat should know why firefly is lovable. so i'm not even going to go into it.

4. NCIS.

reasons i like it: a) abby sciuto. b) cop show. c) awesome characters. and really, tony, you're perfectly happy to hook mcgee up with some girl, but yet you haven't asked ziva out once. doesn't make sense.

day 28- cruise a thesaurus and pick out 10 words you like the sound of

2011-02-24T08:28:00.000-08:00

mmmm - words! my favourite!

proleptical
maverick
concordance
bisulcated
protuberance
acrimony
occlude
adumbrate
malkin
recondite

day 27- my day job versus my passion

2011-02-23T07:32:00.000-08:00

day job: graveyard storefront & production at Tim Horton's. so technically not a "day" job :P

passion: music, painting, drawing, sewing, designing, knitting, researching, finding out geeky details.

gee. not very similar, are they.

day 26- list 10 things that you are thankful for

2011-02-22T16:45:00.000-08:00

vitamin C & handkerchiefs (why yes, i do have a cold, how ever did you guess?)
night off work on friday, so i get to go see my mama in her play
turkish delight is going to be sold at the play's concession (why yes, mama's play is The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, how ever did you guess?)
own apartment, own kitchen, own kitchen sink to keep shiny (thank you FLYlady for that one)
the clouds that enabled me to get some sleep today
my grandma, who decided that i needed a ride to work last night and then a ride home from work this morning.
payday is this week
my guitar
the snow is nearly non-existent, so i can actually ride my bike to work
my friends and my family

day 25- what I would find in your bag

2011-02-21T12:30:00.000-08:00

this depends on which bag.

if by bag, you mean the backpack i take to work every night, then you would find:

uniform, consisting of

pants
belt
visor
shirt
apron
non-slip shoes

wallet
phone
knitting
hairbands
change from tips
notepad and pen.

if, however, you mean the purse that i now very infrequently use, that contains:

deodorant
guitar picks
wallet
phone
keys
miscellaneous junk, including, but not limited to:

safety pins
erasers
tampons
bullet (yes, i have one real actual bullet and somehow it ended up in my purse.)
button
focus on the family fridge magnet
squashed jones soda lid
ticket to a bruins game from last sunday that i didn't need because i was part of a booth

sharpie
tiny picture of me that ellie drew
dog collar
eyeliner
mascara
eyeshadow
burt's bees lip balm

.... yeah. it's time to clean out my purse. maybe.

day 24- post your favorite quote or verse of scripture and why

2011-02-20T20:02:00.000-08:00

"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill: the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill: you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

and why do i like this quote?
i'm not sure. i think it may be the invitation to experience reality. to leave the world you thought you knew but were starting to doubt, and find out the truth. plus i like the reference to alice in wonderland. heh.

day 23- something you crave a lot

2011-02-19T15:33:00.000-08:00

day 22- what makes you different from everyone else

2011-02-18T07:46:00.000-08:00

oh my.
different.
well.

i sing random songs at random times at work
i knit (which for my age group is not too common - i actually had some friends laugh at me because they brought me along to a bar, and i brought my knitting along to the bar too)
i like to make bread from scratch - i made another batch this morning at about 3am, and it's turned out better than the first batch did, so i'm reasonably happy about that.
i live at night and sleep during the day - that's different from most people :P
i remember stuff. really well.

the thing is, there are probably people out there who match some of these, maybe there's even someone who is the same, point for point. so i'm not different from EVERYONE else. but you take these and all the other things that make me ME, and you have a unique person, but i don't have the time or the brainpower to list EVERYTHING about myself, because i would have to do that in order to show exactly how i'm different from everyone else.
oh well.
this will do.

day 21-a picture of something that makes you happy

2011-02-17T09:43:00.000-08:00

the things in this picture that make me happy:

my camera

and photo editing.

day 20- write a letter to someone

2011-02-16T08:28:00.000-08:00

[please nobody get offended at the beginning, kay? keep reading to the end before you judge me.]

dear beloved tim hortons customers:
i would like to say thank you for contributing towards my paycheque. it's much appreciated. because of you, i can pay rent and eat food.
however. i would like to make note of a few things.
first of all, it's an everything bagel. herb & garlic is a cream cheese. let's not get them mixed up, okay? because when you ask for a herb & garlic bagel, we kind of get confused, since you can put herb & garlic on pretty much any kind of bagel you want.
speaking of which: i do not understand cinnamon raisin bagels with herb & garlic on them.
secondly, you can ask for a double double all you want, but we still need to know what size it is.
third: no, we can't take your [insert name of disposable item here] through the drive-thru window. there's a garbage can just before the speaker box for a reason.
also, if you're in the drive-thru and we ask you to wait a moment at the speaker box til we can take your order, that is not the cue to tell us you want an extra-large french vanilla and a regular ham-and-swiss on white, toasted, extra ranch, no tomato, and a box of twenty timbits, half sour cream glazed, half honey cruller. because we can't take that order.
and if we ask you to speak up when you're in the drive-thru lane, it's because we can't hear you, not because we're stupid.
lastly, the vanilla dip has a name.

BUT.

if i didn't enjoy serving you your four-by-fours and boston creams, your sausage breakfast sandwiches and your ice capps, i wouldn't still be doing it. yes, sometimes you frustrate me. yes, sometimes you irritate me. but sometimes you bring a smile to my face.
and i honestly enjoy hearing the order "two large double doubles, extra-large triple triple, extra-large double double, and a sesame bagel toasted with herb & garlic," every morning at 2.30-3ish, and being able to say, "you know your total, please pull up to the window!"
some of you only turn up once in a while, some of you are regulars. some of you order exactly the same thing every time, some of you like to switch it up. it doesn't matter. i still like you. you're all awesome people.
so thank you, tim hortons customers.
please keep coming back.
just get your order right, kay?

day 19- write about a sweet memory from your past

2011-02-15T19:20:00.000-08:00

so i was racking my brains and couldn't think of anything. but then i was snacking this afternoon and thought, hang on! how about a literally "sweet" memory?

it was when i was in maputo, mozambique.
we were at the iris ministries orphanage.
and one night we all gathered in this covered area, i don't even remember if there was a name for this place, or where it was in the layout of the orphanage, but there we were, a handful of white people in amongst a ton of african kids, watching The Lion King. and the kids were handing us pieces of sugarcane to chew while we watched the movie in the dark.

and the reason this memory came to mind? stupidstore - er, superstore - was selling pieces of sugarcane about 3ft long the last time i went grocery shopping. so naturally i grabbed a piece, and that's what i was snacking on this afternoon.

i know, it doesn't look like much. but believe me. it's tasty. and it's raw. hah.

day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have

2011-02-14T03:39:00.000-08:00

some of this i already covered in the bucket list but we'll do some repeats. cos i'm going to be typing as i'm thinking.

write a book
go to school
own a house/apartment
not being klutzy any more would be amazing (as i spill part of my bowl of cereal on my leg - at least it's not a hot drink!)
a dream would be to have all the time and money i needed so i could just do art and sew stuff. far-fetched, i know.

... it's three in the morning. this is all i can think of right now.

day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

2011-02-14T03:24:00.000-08:00

so this is the first blog challenge day that's late so far - but i had a busy day for an excuse.

plus i couldn't think of any one person. especially cos i wasn't sure if fictional people were allowed.

at first i thought Bono - cos he's a rockstar. and it would be fricken awesome to be Bono for a day - i think. besides the opposite-gender thing. anyways.
and then i thought of Isis Mussenden - she did the costumes for Narnia. and i would know that cos i'm a geek. and i would love to do that.
or then i thought it would be awesome to be a librarian or a museum curator or something for a day, not a specific person but a type of person.

but if i could be a fictional person, i would be Arwen, or i would be Harry (short for Angharad) from The Blue Sword.

day 16- a picture of yourself

2011-02-12T08:27:00.000-08:00

wait - didn't i do this already?

oh well. i don't mind an excuse to take pictures of myself :P

day 15- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play

2011-02-11T02:29:00.000-08:00

halfway through the challenge - i haven't missed a day so far. go me! so. an iPod one. here we go.

Things I'm Gonna Do - Rasputina
Already Home - Thousand Foot Krutch
Come Clean - Eisley
Come Back Down - Lifehouse
Fight Inside - Red
Relentless Intolerance - Demon Hunter
Wait - The Afters
Acoustic #3 - Goo Goo Dolls
How We Quit The Forest - Rasputina
If Only - KT Tunstall

so easy.

clicky here if you want to hear them on my grooveshark playlist!

day 14- a picture of you and your family

2011-02-10T08:48:00.000-08:00

i actually don't have a picture of just our family altogether. odd, considering all the squillions and bajillions of other miscellaneous photos i have, that i don't have one of our family. so here's one with me and my siblings and my grandparents and my cousins on my dad's side, no parents.

and one of the recently extended-even-more family on my mom's side.

day 13- your 5 favorite books and why

2011-02-09T17:32:00.000-08:00

oh man. how do i choose. i love books. i love finding new books.
but. there are some that i will read and reread and reread.
so this is the list.

1. The Riddle-Master Trilogy [particularly Heir of Sea and Fire]

i love these ones because they're epic fantasy with brilliant characters, and i always discover some new detail every time i read them.

2. Busman's Honeymoon

this one i love because it's a Lord Peter mystery (and i just love those in general) but it's also a love story at the same time, and it just makes me happy.

3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

this one makes my list of favourites because of the ending. i just love how it ends. it couldn't have been better.

4. The Space Trilogy [particularly That Hideous Strength]

well now. first of all, it's C. S. Lewis. so that makes it automatically awesome to begin with. and then there's space travel, and angels - excuse me, eldila (singular "eldil") and Oyeresu (singular Oyarsa) - and the end of the world, and just awesomeness. read it.

5. The Blue Sword

oh my gosh. i freaking love this book. and i don't know if i have a why. i just love it. i read the prequel once and i love this one better. it's a fantastic book.

man i love fantasy. and yes i cheated by sticking trilogies in. but really. i can't just pick five books.
anyways. gotta go make dinner.

day 12- write a poem to someone you love

2011-02-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

i know you miss me
and i want to let you know i still love you,
and that i never stopped -
but you know that,
don't you?

some songs on the radio
make me think of you and chuckle to myself
"... do i really feel the way i feel?"
and i know you'd chuckle too

so many memories
holding hands, walking down a road
lots of adventures, just you and me
both recent and long ago
and so many songs sung together

i'm looking forward to many more years
and many more adventures
clever plans and silly songs
visits and movies and inside jokes
i'm so glad i get to share them with you

and you know i'll always love you
you'll always have a special place in my heart
cos i'll always be your daughter
and you'll always be my dad.

day 11- write a bucket list of things you want to do before you die

2011-02-07T09:49:00.000-08:00

see Wales
ride a rollercoaster
~~get a tattoo, if not several~~
go on a road-trip
dance in a cemetery in the moonlight
cut my hair into a mohawk [if only for a day]
build myself a coffin bed
~~learn the violin [and own one, too!]~~
get laser-eye surgery
learn how to be neat
finish all my UFOs
join a group of LARPers
write a book

day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

2011-02-06T13:30:00.000-08:00

oh boy. a song day. my favourite. i was going to go All Out and pick a bunch of songs for each mood, but i don't have much time left cos i still have to sleep before work. so here it is.

HAPPY.
Light Up The Sky, by The Afters.

SAD.
I Don't Love You, by My Chemical Romance.

BORED.
DwarfStar, by Rasputina.

HYPED.
Dark Holiday, by Dommin.

MAD.
Dear X, You Don't Own Me, by Disciple.

day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days

2011-02-05T04:08:00.000-08:00

making bread all by myself
getting [somewhat] unpacked
biking to work - 1/2 an hour one way, and that's if i'm going fast.
getting through a shift at work while training someone - and it was just me and her the whole night - and we didn't do too badly either! go Zoa!
making good [&healthy] food - seems i'm following in my mom's footsteps :)

those are things i'm proud of right now.

oh and i have a story from work.
i got to work on monday night, and one of my coworkers noticed that the roots of my hair are ... well ... not black! and this is the conversation that followed.

She: are you blonde under that? [it should be noted for the sake of accuracy that i am not exactly blonde. more of a light brown. but in comparison with the black, it does look more like a dirty blonde.]
Me: sort of, yes.
She: you shouldn't dye your hair. the blonde looks good.
Me: but i like the black better than i like the blonde.
She: i don't; it makes you look gothic.
Me: ... that's ... kind of ... the point.
She: but it makes you look dead. do you really want to look dead?
Me: [lols] i guess if you want to look at it that way...
She: don't gothic people want to look dead? and act dead?
Me: i suppose some of them do, but not all ...
She: [isn't really listening to me] so if you want to look dead, and act dead, then maybe you should just BE dead. i mean it. go kill yourself.
Me: [trying to laugh at it like she's joking - but she's so not] i don't want to be dead.
She: well, you're trying to look dead, so maybe you should just finish the job.

.... i'm trying to decide whether this should come under the category of harassment, or whether i should just leave it - she has a kid, so once he achieves teenagerhood, i suspect she'll be changing her tune just a little - but this was the first sort of anti-goth perspective i've heard from anyone since i discovered Goth.

and for the record, i don't intend to follow through on her suggestion at all :) i believe it was spoken from a position of bias, prejudice, and a lack of understanding, and as such, has no merit in my situation. actually, let me rephrase that: suicide has NO merit in ANY situation. there is always some other way to deal with problems.

so there.

day 8- short term goals for this month and why

2011-02-04T12:32:00.000-08:00

oh man.
i don't do the goals thing much.
i know one of my goals is to get my boxes unpacked and stuff set up and so on, and i should think that would have a fairly obvious "why".
another one would be to find a schedule that allows me to get enough sleep while still getting stuff done. again, a fairly obvious "why" on that one.
i also need to go talk to someone at UFV. or something. to try and figure out what to take for school. oi.
and i also need to finish my WIPs, as mentioned in day 4 - because it's depressing, knowing they're sitting there awaiting your attention.

day 7- a picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you

2011-02-03T14:45:00.000-08:00

how do i pick just one thing or person? every place i've been, every person i've met, everything i've done has made an impact on me somehow.

domestication!

2011-02-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

day 6- favorite super hero and why

2011-02-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

oh dear. this one will be a little harder, i think. cos when i was a kid, we didn't really watch any superhero movies or read any superhero comics. so everyone knows the story of superman, or batman, or all these other superheroes, but that wasn't really part of my growing-up experience. the most i think we watched, superhero-wise, was larry-boy. larry-boy and the fib from outer space. larry-boy and the rumour weed.
good times.
but.

i recently was able to watch Batman Begins, and i find myself intrigued by him - a superhero ... who's not super.
he wasn't bit by some weird spider like Peter Parker, he didn't come from a different planet like Superman, he didn't have whatever the Hulk had (radioactivity? help me out here.), he's not a mutant like the X-Men. he's a regular human who just happens to want to fix the world - but has awesome gadgets for doing so.
yes, i admit, the black and the bats kind of make me happy too.
but that's not the only thing.
my sense of justice is also liking the vigilante persona, where people get what they deserve.
and he conquers his fear of bats by becoming one, in a way, which is awesome. people are by nature fearful, and they tend to avoid their fears, rather than facing them dead-on and saying, "i'm going to identify with this".
so yeah.
regular guy who pushes himself to the limit. and comes out on top.

so i'd have to say, my favourite superhero is Batman.

day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been

2011-02-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

how about several places i've been?

First, BC Canada - where I was born, and where I live now.
Arbroath, Scotland, a two year sojourn.
The next two are Maputo, Mozambique.
Then Dondo, Mozambique.
Hole-in-the-Wall, South Africa.
Johannesburg, ditto.
And last, BC.

two hundred and ... one?

2011-01-31T05:31:00.000-08:00

oops. that last post was my two hundredth. i was intending to make excited noises over the two hundredth. but i didn't even realise. my bad. guess the excited noises will have to wait til 250. then i'll be halfway to five hundred. okay? okay.

day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have

2011-01-31T04:07:00.000-08:00

unfortunately, i can't do this day justice, as the habit that i most wish i could break requires photos to properly explain, and that would mean fishing through endless numbers of boxes to find everything, because i just moved, and that would be very annoying and probably wake my roomie up.

however.
the habit i most wish i didn't have:
UFOs.

that is, UnFinished Objects.
i have a terrible habit of starting Something Awesome .... and then not finishing it, or taking months and months to do something that i could really do in a couple weeks.

case in point the first, there's a cloak. or rather, there's pieces of a cloak. mostly put together. and it's for someone. and i'm so so SO sorry it's not done yet.
however. moved = sewing machine OUT = i WILL get it done.

case in point the second, there's a pair of socks. or rather, there's half of one sock. i'm knitting it for ME, so no rush. but i still feel it sitting there giving me the evil eye. and now i'm thinking i'll frog it anyways and start over, possibly using a different pattern, and possibly making my own pattern. [definition of frog for non-knitters: rippit, rippit, rippit....]

case in point the third, there's a cropped sweater. or rather, the collar of a cropped sweater. i already frogged a cowl-scarf-dealy to produce the collar of said sweater. again, for me, so no rush. but again, feeling the evil eyes.

case in point the fourth, there's a corset. or rather, there's a pattern for a corset. i haven't got as far as the actual corset yet, cos i keep having to start over on the pattern because of how difficult it is to fit a corset. again, just for me, so no rush. but i'm STILL getting the evil eye thing.

see how bad this is?
and i still have bajillions of ideas in my head for more Awesome Things. like a painting. i definitely have paintings in my head.
and there's a dress i wish i could make, if i were ever able to do any screenprinting - even diy would be awesome.
and i want to build a bed.
and on and on it goes.

i wish i could just focus on one project at a time, and get it done. but i find that really difficult, apparently.

day 3- a picture of you as a child

2011-01-30T07:24:00.000-08:00

well now. i don't have too many digital photos of myself as a child.
one of the only ones i have available was already posted by jay, in HER day 3 post.

see? i'm the one with the thick-haired bob on the right.
we should hang out again sometime, you and i, jay.

this was several years later, during my two years in scotland. i'm the gawky one with braces. my sister lakebythepond is in the canada shirt to the left, and my brother nathan is the brown one to the right. the other two are my scottish cousins. i seem to have a penchant for awkward haircuts.

and this one was shortly before the last one, before i got my hair cut. my brother is on the far left, that's me with the stripey scarf, and my dad is on the far right. it's kind of hard to tell what we're doing, but it was snowing and we were rejoicing and trying to catch the flakes on our tongues.

[blogged from the new apartment!!]

i am Elizabeth.

2011-01-29T09:24:00.000-08:00

this is not right
i'm not you -
nor are you me.
so why are you taking
my identity?

you're putting my name
to your face
and mirroring me,
commandeering my space
copying, aping,
stealing, invading

my life is not yours
so what do you see
that's missing in your life
that you'd take from me?

i am Elizabeth
that's not your name
i know who you are
and we're not the same.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2011

day 2- the meaning behind your blog name

2011-01-29T07:08:00.000-08:00

this one's easy.

i have a friend who's ... well ... a little strange sometimes.

and he would continually misspell my name on a forum that we both spent time on.

[i admit, my spelling is a little unusual, but not so hard that a little memorization won't take care of it.]

i spell the short form of my name, "Lizzi".
and i was seeing "Lizzie" and "Lizzy" and other [wrong] variants.

so i made noises like i was offended, and told him he was spelling my name wrong.
so he apologised.
and then i felt bad for making him feel bad, and told him i really didn't care that much, and that he could spell my name however he wanted.

so he did.

he spelled it S-Q-U-E-L-C-H-B-A-K-E-R.

so technically, squelchbaker is pronounced "lizzi". i know, odd, right?

but the result was, that i kind of liked it for all its oddity, and it became my online alias - so if you go search "squelchbaker" on google, it'll all be me. i think my deviantart is under that name, as well as a few other things - my ravelry, etc.

"squelchbaker blogs" was the natural extension of my alias when applied to blogging.
so that's the story of squelchbaker.

----------------------------------

also, just had to share - MOVING DAY IS TODAY.

and, i met someone that made me smile yesterday - i was thrift-shopping with my grandma for bedsheets for the move, and met an older lady [in her sixties? maybe?] who was manning the till at one of the thrift stores we went to. and the radio behind her was playing something along the lines of Metallica or something similar, i'm not entirely certain what it was. but either way, it wasn't the kind of sound i was expecting to hear.
so on the way out, i asked her, "who chooses the music?"
"whoever's behind the till," was the reply.
"and ... you chose that?"
"yeah, everyone else prefers Star FM, but i like The Hawk," she said.
and that bloody well made my day.

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

2011-01-28T08:48:00.000-08:00

i am addicted to music.
i am also addicted to interesting writing implements. i own a couple of good old fashioned dipping pens, the kind that scratch abominably; and i also recently acquired an entertaining gel pen from Staples that "erases" - or, turns invisible after the addition of friction from the rubber end of the pen - without destroying the page as traditional erasing pens used to.
if i had a million dollars, i would go to school and learn whatever the hell i wanted. and maybe purchase a vehicle of some nature; see next point.
i harbour a secret fondness for crotch-rocket-type motorcycles. if i had the cash, i would get one.
i also harbour a not-so-secret fondness for corsets. i wish i had the knowhow to make myself an amazingly perfect one that would fit just right.
i enjoy dressing up as dark and as gothy as i can before going to church - or anywhere else, really. it makes me chuckle to myself.
someday i want to learn the violin.
i also want to learn welsh. and mandarin chinese. and maybe russian, too.
my earliest memory is of my third birthday party, and of one of my birthday presents getting taken away. i got a barbie doll from someone, and my dad very strongly disagreed with the barbie image for whatever reason - so he took my birthday present away from me.
when i was little, i wanted to be an astronaut when i grew up. i also wanted to be a gymnast and a writer.
i still haven't decided what i want to be when i grow up.
i want to find a LARPing group to join. that would be awesomely entertaining.
i crack my knuckles. and my neck. and my back. and sometimes my toes. sometimes people don't like it when i do that.
i kind of want to get involved in another play. i was in two in my last year of high school, and i enjoyed myself immensely, and i'm kind of wishing i could do that again right now.
i love jesus.

an incentive? we hope.

2011-01-27T20:20:00.000-08:00

yes, it's true. i am an irregular blogger. i would piss me off, if i followed myself.

so. as an incentive to get myself to blog more, i'm going to follow my friend jay's example and take the:

30 Days of Blogging challenge

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind your blog name
day 3- a picture of you as a child
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been
day 6- favorite super hero and why
day 7- a picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why
day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
day 11- write a bucket list of things you want to do before you die
day 12- write a poem to someone you love
day 13- your 5 favorite books and why
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- a picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- write about a sweet memory from your past
day 20- write a letter to someone
day 21-a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave a lot
day 24- post your favorite quote or verse of scripture and why
day 25- what I would find in your bag
day 26- list 10 things that you are thankful for
day 27- my day job verses my passion
day 28- cruise a thesaurus and pick out 10 words you like the sound of
day 29 - favorite tv shows and why you like them
day 30 - movies you can watch again and again

i'm starting tomorrow.
officially.
and if i don't, you can kick my butt.

some saturday musings

2011-01-22T08:39:00.000-08:00

so i figure i ought to chuckle at the irony of this - i start to get annoyed when blogs i follow don't post for a while .... and then i sit and don't post either.
so i guess i'll subject you all to another blurb about me!

i think i must be a real vampire. night shift (also known, appropriately enough, as the "graveyard" shift), i have discovered, suits me down to the ground. my sleeping pattern adjusted just fine, i like the flexibility of having my mornings open, and yeah. it works for me.
i've actually found myself wondering why people are out so early in the morning - and then realising it's nine o'clock pm.

speaking of vampirishness - i am kind of sort of leaning towards the possibility of maybe, just maybe ... building myself a coffin-shaped bed? cos it would be epic win and it would make me happy to the bottom of my little black gothy heart. so there.
as it is, i am most definitely putting black fabricky curtainy drapeyness in my new room (that i'm moving into on the 29th - YEAH) - especially if i stay on graveyards, imma need something to block light so i can sleep. particularly in summer.

and speaking of people who sleep in coffins, i decided i needed to watch all the old NCIS seasons that i hadn't watched before (because i think i started with season 5 or 6, i'm not quite sure which) so i have a lot to catch up on. and Abby Sciuto is still my favourite character ever.
... she sleeps in a coffin.
in case you hadn't made the connection.

oh and i acquired a brown coat.... thrift stores ftw. now i too can be a Space Pirate.
... now i just need to get my Jayne hat back. have you fixed it yet, mom?

and i'm also rapidly approaching my 200th post - and in a couple months' time, two years on this blog.

anyhow. think that's about it for now.
toodles, all.

darn.

2011-01-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

my white shoelaces
are coming untied
the sock i knit
is unravelling
all the holes in the world
are descending upon my creations
i defined myself
with words that have become blank spaces
in the dictionary

every turn of the earth
carries with it one more mess
one more tangle
to sort out
a knot in a thread
i stitched a patch on my heart
and watched it fray

this bandaid will not hold
does not stick any more
i carried you too long
to let you keep firing
your silver-plated bullets into me

prove to me
that the holes i see in your socks
will not keep wearing through
because i refuse to darn them

nor will i patch
the holes in the knees of your jeans
and the elbows of your sweaters

this is why
when i make things
i try to make them last
so that i don't have to mend them after
because the mending
takes longer
and hurts more

© Elizabeth Klassen 2011

an award? me? really? you shouldn't have.

2011-01-16T06:59:00.000-08:00

so. um. [clears throat] i'd like to thank my mom, my dad, and ... er. wait. this isn't the oscars, is it. heh.

no, it's not the oscars. BUT - my special awesome friend over at Hallsi gave me a blog award! that's right, my very first one! thanks jay! and she said some nice things about me that i really don't deserve.
so you should go read her blog.
go.
scoot.
get out of here.

but first:

however. the award comes with CONDITIONS.

the conditions:
1. thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award.
2. share 7 things about yourself.
3. award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. contact these bloggers and tell them about this award.

so. fulfilled the first condition already. now for seven things about me.

I. i like making lists, on blogs or elsewhere, of random information about myself.
II. i do not enjoy beer.
III. my toes are cold.
IV. sometimes, i go out of my way to be different from everyone else. like using roman numerals to list things. because i had to point that out.
V. my deodorant smells like mint and my shampoo smells like oranges.
VI. i'm currently attempting to learn russian.
VII. i forgot to write the last letter of my first name when i was signing the signature pad for my driver's license.

but i only have four blogs that i follow that i think this award is appropriate for:

I. my mom, over at the corvidarium - best and most awesomest artisticky mom ever :) she makes beautiful things. love you mom!
II. gertie, from gertie's new blog for better sewing - i feel really privileged to be able to watch the progress of her various sewing projects, and see the amazing results that happen, and also to read the thought-provoking debates that happen on some of her posts (eg, the recent gun-print dress post). thanks for sharing, gertie :)
III. jo, at bridges on the body - again, it's a real privilege to get to see beautiful sewing projects (in this case, corsets) emerge, and with some fantastic workmanship too! thank you as well, jo, for sharing with the rest of us :)
IV. and last but not least, emily from some girls wander - i really enjoy seeing the vintage-flavoured (and often simply vintage!) styles that she loves. where on earth do you find such gorgeous pieces, emily? oh and her art is fabulous too, you should check it out.

thank you all; sayonara.

house, job, money....

2011-01-11T13:44:00.000-08:00

so. many changes for the new year.

first. one you should know about already if you read my blog. new apartment, new roomie with two cats, own kitchen. OWHN KITCHING. [side note: i've decided that the first thing i'm going to do, when we're all moved in and my pantry is all PROPERLY STOCKED, is i'm going to make bread. homemade bread. none of this machine business for me. mmmmm...] and actually, speaking of new place, i'm going to need to buy a bed.

second. again, you should know about this one. i'm on graveyards. which is completely oddball. and i come home from work at about the hour that i used to START. so weird.

third. there comes a time in every girl's life when she makes a very important step. and that is getting a credit card. no, i will NOT go spending crazy. it's just for building credit with. because if i make purchases on it and then pay it off IMMEDIATELY, it's all good. no interest. and i plan to always make sure i have the money in my regular bank account before i use the credit card. i'm thinking ahead here. also, set up a savings account today that automatically takes a certain amount of money out of my account on payday and saves it. so that's cool.

aaaanyways. life with me. again.

diana lens, you're awesome.

2011-01-09T08:31:00.000-08:00

remember that new lens from a couple posts back? the diana lens that i got for christmas? well, it arrived :)

[and for the peeps reading this from facebook - you'll have to click through to my blog to see the photo resulting from awesome new lens, cos it won't show on the preview.]

thousand tears

2011-01-07T23:23:00.000-08:00

it'll be one long night before the day is over;
one sad sad song, and a lonely road.
forever was too good for you, and so we'll say goodbye;
i've cried a thousand tears for you, no more.

these untread paths have followed me, unsung songs, your memory
i leave it all behind now, choose no regrets
take your fallen branches, light a fire and keep warm -
i'll not be your matchbook.

i'm surrounded by silence now, but one of solitude
and your fear has proven true, you're lonely once again,
holding heroes to the light like trophies, glinting gold
i was never your prize.

the tree fell in the forest - i watched and wept,
a burning red-orange sun sank into the west.
forever was too good for you, so we said goodbye;
i cried a thousand tears for you, no more.

© Elizabeth Klassen, 2011

hot damn! FINALLY!

2011-01-06T17:19:00.000-08:00

a couple of "finallies" - last week (was it only last week? good lord it feels like a year!) i finally got my N license - on the fourth try. not that i'm a bad driver, mind you. just that they have their checklist, and i wasn't shoulder-checking properly the previous three times. anyways. so i can drive myself places, if i have a car to do it in :)

and the other finally? the one i'm super duper excited about?
my friend and i finally found a place to live! I HAVE A KITCHEN OF MY OWN. hells yeahhhhhh! and some james barber cookbooks to use IN that kitchen. SO stoked. and my kitchen looks fan-freaking-tastic. the apartment is fantastic too - i have a teeny tiny private balcony off my room, as well as the main apartment balcony; we're on the second floor and have a great view; two bed, two bath, allows cats; in-suite laundry; and the price is right! we take possession on the first of february and man i just can't wait.

and oh yeah. monday night i start graveyards at timmy's. woot :P

it was christmas?

2010-12-26T19:41:00.000-08:00

and so another christmas has come and gone - which means that my blog is approaching two years old now, come march. and it also means that i got christmas presents. the most exciting of which include:

and...

... the Dreamy Diana Lens at the Photojojo Store

as well as...

... and various other pieces, including, but not limited to, a burt's bees lip balm, two necklaces, a book about U2, various chocolates, two christmas activity books (mom's idea of a joke?), and a book about good decisions from one of my grandmothers.

altogether, it was a good christmas. lots of time with the family and stuff.

oh yeah and i have another wisdom tooth coming in. ugh.

50 things you won't even care about.

2010-12-18T14:23:00.000-08:00

1 . What time did you get up this morning?
6 am

2. How do you like your steak?
More rare than not.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Dawn Treader in 3D

4. What is your favorite T.V show?
Firefly. NICS. Castle. Eureka.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Somewhere warm and awesome and full of mountains.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Didn't eat breakfast today.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Depends on my mood. Italian's a pretty safe favourite though. Or Indian.

8. What foods do you dislike?
Broccoli. Cauliflower. Eggplant. Brussels sprouts. Chickpeas.

9. Favourite place to eat?
Don't really have a favourite. I'll eat wherever I'm in the mood for.

10. Favorite dressing?
Caesar.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
I don't drive - yet.

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Black. And awesome.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Wales. Sweden. The Netherlands.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
That begs the question, why does the cup even have to contain anything at all?

15. Where would you want to retire?
Scotland? Maybe?

16. Favorite time of day?
Daytime.

17. Where were you born?
Kamloops.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
I don't like sports. But I'll watch hockey every now and again.

19. Something you regret?
Not being more careful.

20. What are you wearing right now?
Pink paisley pajama pants, black pajama shirt with The Beast on it, black hoodie, black slippers with toes on them from last night's ninja costume.

21. One thing you know way too much information about?
Corsets.

22. Bird watcher?
Not really.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Morning, definitely.

24. Pets?
Soon going to live with two cats - but they will not be mine.

25. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share?
Not really.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
An author, a gymnast, a singer, and an astronaut.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
I don't know. I think most of my childhood was my best memory of my childhood.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Cat. Defs.

29. Are you married?
Single. Again. Never married though.

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Yep.

31. Been in a car accident?
Yes, when I was an infant - mom ran into a ditch and the cops thought I had a serious head injury cos I used to have a big red birthmark on the back of my head.

32. Any pet peeves?
Bad spelling, bad grammar, things not being in tune, people who hang over my shoulder, tone-deafness, annoying and unending beeps.

33. Favorite pizza topping?
Ham & pineapple.

34. Favorite flower?
Daisies, roses, lilies, orchids.

35. Favorite ice cream?
Cookie dough.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
A&W.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Have failed 3 times now, but I refuse to fail a fourth time.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
The Isaaks.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Gibbous Fashions (if an online store is allowed).

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Does drinking too much at last night's party count?

41. Like your job?
It's a job...

42. Broccoli? Cauliflower?
Neither!!

43. What was your favorite vacation?
Never really had a vacation as such. So no answer.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Rebekah.

45. What are you listening to to right now?
Death and All His Friends - Coldplay

46. What is your favorite color?
Black.

47. How many tattoos do you have?
One.

48. Coffee drinker?
No. Defs tea.

49. How many children do you have?
Zero.

50. Your favourite guilty pleasure or indulgence?
Sour gummy candies.

somehow

2010-12-01T14:21:00.000-08:00

i promised myself i wouldn't
i did my damnedest
but somehow
somewhy
i cried anyways

it's been so so long
i lost track of the days
but somewhere
in there
i still miss you

i try my hardest not to
i do my best not to care
but sometimes
sometimes
i still think of you

and when i saw you
after so long
somehow
somewhy
i cried anyways.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

it snew. in november. who knew.

2010-11-29T12:23:00.000-08:00

a tasty thing i made

2010-11-29T11:48:00.000-08:00

too late for lemonade.

2010-11-21T18:05:00.001-08:00

life threw me a lemon but i don't know whether to make lemonade with it or throw it across the room and hope it goes through a window on its way out the door, so i sit here and watch it moulder on the table and i wonder what to do with it, because in all honesty the mold is making quite a pretty blue-green-and-white garden on my poor little lemon, but on the other hand i'm afraid the spores'll make me sick and then i'll catch pneumonia and die, and then where will i be? so i really ought to throw the poor lemon away, i think, but i really have grown quite atttached to it. maybe i'll freeze it in carbonite, then i'll have it forever - or maybe i can paint a portrait of it sitting there, and THEN i'll throw it out. i'll decide later. for now, i'll just watch it moulder.

because i have now found a practical way to post blogs without a computer :)

2010-11-20T05:53:00.001-08:00

... i can email blogs to you lot on my phone! win!

so. guess what i did last night?
went to see the new harry potter movie - in the new galaxy theatre in chilliwack, the one that's next to the superwalmart. and was it good?
Oh. My. Gosh. it was freaking fantastically Epic Win. i've been annoyed with some of the previous movies and their so-called adaptations - but this one was the closest to the book of any of the other ones, AND it was a good movie. everyone laughed at all the right parts, and clapped after dobby's speech, and so on. and it was generally just brilliant. the end.

also - snow in the fraser valley in november? unheard of.

i'm not you.

2010-11-19T07:31:00.001-08:00

you can't see me
you can't hear me
hiding behind your normalcy
you don't look for me
you don't care about me
scared that i might give you honesty

you can ask me why
don't be shy
i'll give it to you straight
if that bugs you
i won't pity you
i got other things on my plate.

and honestly
i'm happier
without your petty bitching
so shut your face
don't slander me
your life's not mine, and i'm not you.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

nothing.

2010-11-09T13:44:00.000-08:00

what is this?
it's a noose for your own neck.
what is it made of?
it is woven from choices you've made.
why?
because mistakes are never forgotten.
what did i do to deserve this?
nothing.

what is this?
it's a deadly poison, tailored just for you.
what is it made of?
the bitterness and anger of others towards you.
why?
because mistakes are never forgotten.
what did i do to deserve this?
nothing.

what is this?
it's your death.
what is it made of?
fear, anger, and hopelessness.
why?
because your pain is never forgotten.
what did i do to deserve this?
nothing.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

working at tim hortons

2010-08-26T16:37:00.000-07:00

... has been interesting. i've learned a lot of stuff very quickly. for instance, they stuck a drive-through headset on me today - and it's only my fifth shift there. however - i simply must tell you about the best customers i've had yet in my five shifts working there. they came to my till this afternoon. i would say they were about in their late 40s/early 50s. they told me it was the first time they had ever been in a tim horton's. when i expressed surprise, they explained that they were from south of the border, and were here on a visit from florence, oregon, and just could not leave canada without visiting a tim horton's - so as to have the full canadian experience, of course. so we had a great time. she had a small ice capp, he had a small coffee with cream, and they took a box of ten assorted timbits as well. and they paid with american money - he thought it would just go $1-$1, but i explained there was a button for USD, that did the exchange for us, and he thought that was pretty neat. so yeah. i enjoyed serving them. and i hope i made their first tim horton's experience a good one. and yes, i know that sounds dreadfully cheesy. but i mean it. so there.

oh, i'm the type of girl that likes to roam around ... ?

2010-08-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

so way back a couple of weeks ago i had an interview/tryout at a little inn as housekeeping staff. basically the head housekeeper took me around a room and showed me how they clean it, then had me do a room by myself. so i found out the other day that i get paid for that, cos i was kind of technically working for them. so i got my check this afternoon. only 12.75, but heck, any money's good right now. in the bank it went, and then i was going to use it to go pick up some stuff that i needed. so i'm waiting to cross a street, and this guy with wonky teeth comes up to me.

guy: are you going this way?
me: yes i am.
guy: i'm going to tim horton's. [waves a fistful of coinage at me] where are you going?
me: i don't really know where i'm going. [meaning, "i haven't made up my mind where i'm going to pick up the stuff i need."]
guy: you mean like you're a wanderer?
me: [chuckling to myself] i guess you could say that.
guy: it's funny how people don't know where they're going. wanderer is my word for people who don't know where they're going.
me: it's a good word. [cycles off as the light changes]

it seems to be my luck, to have oddball conversations with guys with odd teeth. see "apparently i'm ... impressive." "and .... viciously gorgeous." for previous examples. now not only am i impressive, i'm a wanderer. an impressive wanderer? um... okay. [insert expressive shrug here]

a different sort of post.

2010-08-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

so in various blog posts so far, i have told you about things i've seen, things i've heard, things i've done, things i've thought about, things i've thought, etc. but i've never written a blog post about this before...

what i smelled today.

today i smelled waffles
and coffee, lots and lots of coffee
doughnuts and fresh bread
bathroom sanitizer (yech!)
hot tarmac
green leaves in the sunshine
blackberries
sweaty people and sweaty people's deodorants
tea tree oil (i think one of my new coworkers uses tea tree oil shampoo or something)

i want to go back to bed now.

2010-08-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

so it's been a while since i last posted any real kind of update.

i'll start with the easy stuff -
my grandma got married on saturday, it was a sweet little wedding/reception/thing, and now she's off to the USofA for her honeymoon.
which leads into the next thing:
everything of mine is going back in boxes! that's right, i'm moving again, but i'm staying in the wack. i just got a job at Tim Horton's on friday and it's two minutes from where i will be living, so that's perfect.

less easy -
it's caused a bit of agitation and disquiet in certain quarters, but i'm purchasing a microKORG for use in our band. no, the quarters are not in the band. and if the quarters read this: no, i haven't changed my mind, and i'm not going to. it costs less than my DSLR did. so chill.

even less easy -
psalm 91 band had to say goodbye to two of our members. our bass player and our backup vocalist have decided to move on. blessings to you, chris and nicci, we all love you very much.
on the upside, jeremy has rejoined the band on bass; he was the original bassist from the cd and knows all the songs. had a couple of practices last week with him and it went so easily, and we all get along really well together - me, rich, jeff, leanne, and jeremy. it's pretty awesome.

so there it is, and here i am, and life goes on.

♥

And you have a privacy policy why?

2010-08-13T22:02:00.000-07:00

To whom it may concern:

I have a serious complaint to make.
Recently I began receiving newsletters from your company. To my knowledge, I have never signed up for your website or your newsletters, and nor did I ever want to. The only reason that comes to mind that could possibly explain why I inexplicably began receiving what I can only think of as SPAM would be that about two months ago I dropped off a resume at a Bluenotes location in the Cottonwood Mall in Chilliwack, BC, where I live.
In my mind, dropping off a resume is merely an application for work, NOT a request to have my address (whether email or physical) given out for gratuitous and uninvited mailings. I feel highly displeased that my information would be abused in such a manner, and as a result, I will no longer be shopping at any Bluenotes locations.
Please remove my email address from your mailing list immediately.
Thank you.

and .... viciously gorgeous.

2010-07-22T15:46:00.000-07:00

as a post-script to my last blog:
my good friend jessi came out to see me today. i met her at the bus station after the incident in my last post. i told her what happened, and as we were waiting to cross a street, who should come up behind us but No-Front-Teeth Sunglasses Guy.

guy: i know you, we talked earlier! what was your name again?
me: i never introduced myself. i'm lizzi.
guy: [fists out] i just have this urge to smack everyone i meet. but i talked to you, you're cool. [to jessi] you're cool too, what's your name? [pause] i own chilliwack. but not this part. but i'm working on taking over.
me & jessi: [smothered laughter]
guy: i'm also working on becoming absolutely viciously gorgeous.
me & jessi: [more laughter]
[light changes, we cross the road, laughing the whole way]

apparently i'm ... impressive.

2010-07-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

well that was mildly creepy and somewhat amusing.
i was walking down a bike path, all gothed out, long black coat and eyeliner, and these two Native guys are walking towards me. one of them had sunglasses and missing front teeth, and as i'm walking past, this is what happened.
guy: hi
me: hi. [keeps walking]
guy: [stops me] you look ... impressive.
me: thanks. [tries to keep walking again.]
guy: you're so ... impressive. [pauses] my name is Chico186 and i'm impressive too. i own the city.
me: [mildly amused] i see.
guy: i like your eyes. do you like my eyes?
me: i can't see your eyes behind those sunglasses.
guy: [takes off his sunglasses, his eyes are all unfocussed, and he's got a black eye] battle. i've been in fights.
me: i see.
guy: i like you. maybe we should ... go for yogurt. or something.
me: [getting a little wary] i really don't have the time right now.
guy: but you're so ... impressive. and i really like you. i want to get to know you. [pauses] do you want to get to know me?
me: i'm sorry. i appreciate the compliment but i'm busy and i really have to go.
guy: okay. but you look so impressive. i really want to get to know you.
me: [walks away]

here i am.

2010-07-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

so here i am,
i'm completely lost
and totally confused.
you're shadow-boxing
and fighting with ghosts
and it does no good
it solves nothing.

i want to comfort you
i want to help you
but i don't know how.
all i know is
i don't see the real you yet.
i see the layers
that you cover yourself with.

i can't fix you
for you.
that's not my job.

all i can do
is stand here
waiting for you
to be ready to be real.
so here i am.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

this WAS going to be a poem, but i changed my mind.

2010-07-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

so just a quick update.
psalm 91 had a show in vancouver on saturday, it went pretty well, we get a video and an EP out of it, so that's cool.
i'm currently in a multitude of dilemmas, including one about where i'm going to live, and one about what i'm going to take at school, and one about what i'm going to do for a job, and one about what i'm going to do for transport (car???? driver's licence?????????? ehhhhh..... ), and the list goes on. so yeah.
jeff and i are coming up to one year dating, in a week - woot! love you jeff!
also, i got a new hole through my face on wednesday last week - i have a lip ring, bottom right. i WILL post pictures as soon as i can get my camera hooked up to a computer. have patience.
and yeah, i think that's about it for now.
love you all.

a project for a friend

2010-07-13T11:04:00.000-07:00

lucky.

2010-07-01T12:29:00.000-07:00

your breath is warm on my neck
as i shiver in the cold;
your hands are warm on my skin

i drink you in with my eyes
studying every pore in detail
i think you're incomparably wonderful

how am i so lucky?

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

humpty dumpty sat on the wall

2010-06-29T13:54:00.000-07:00

i feel like an ant, trying to carry the world on my back, but it's getting all tangled up and i keep tripping over it, and all the eggs that i'm not allowed to count just keep cracking into pieces like glass bottles, and there's no use crying over spilt milk when the bottles break, cos you can't put it back in, it's like humpty dumpty, all the men in the king's service couldn't fix him, well, you can't fix me either, cos i'm shattered to bits and i'm lost in a tunnel that i can't see the light at the end of.
it's dark, dark, dark, and i can hear a train coming, i can feel the vibration in the tracks, and there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, i can't get away, it's coming, and i'll be smashed into pieces, squished like an ant on the sidewalk, poor little ant, it's just trying to do what it knows best and then it gets squished by some careless person's foot, stomping around like an enormous elephant.
and here i am, all in pieces just like that, and i'm still trying to carry the world, but it keeps slipping and falling and rolling down the hill, and i have to run all the way back and pick it up and try to drag it all the way up the hill again, like pails of water, but they keep spilling, and so i have to go all the way back to the well to fill them up first, it's way too much effort for this one task, but i can't help it if they decide to run off and make things difficult for me, it's the dish and the spoon all over again, and what do i do?
i'm trying to paint but it keeps going everywhere but on the canvas, my brushes are falling apart, my paint's drying up, my canvas is torn, everything's old and useless here, and i have no reason to keep trying, cos i know humpty's just going to break again, and the ant's just going to get squished again, and i keep tripping over the tangled-up world on my back.

the "i've come to realize" meme

2010-06-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size - is just right for me (though i sometimes prefer it were bigger :P )

2. I've come to realize that my job - is not the same as my career.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving - i need to make decisions faster.

4. I've come to realize that I need - to think before i speak.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost - some of my child-like wonder.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when - i get interrupted and can't say what i need to say.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk - i will not drive anywhere!

8. I've come to realize that money - is frustrating and annoying.

9. I've come to realize that certain people - will never change.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always - be in charge of my own decisions.

11. I've come to realize that my siblings - are kind of nice sometimes.

12. I've come to realize that my mom - makes the best food in the world!!

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone - is not as important as i wish it was.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning - i could have made a bunch of better decisions.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep - i was very very very exhaustedly tired.

16. I've come to realize right now I am thinking - that i hope i won't be in too much trouble later.

17. I've come to realize that my dad - was right about a bunch of stuff.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook - i tend to spend way too much time on there.

19. I've come to realize that today - i got a lot accomplished.

20. I've come to realize that tonight - might not go the way i wish it could.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow - has a lot of potential for good or for bad.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to - get a really truly tat.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost to this is - ... well, i don't know if anyone will "repost this" cos this isn't a facebook note, it's a blog post, so i can't tag anyone.

24. I've come to realize that life - is harder and more complicated now than it was when i was a child.

25. I've come to realize that this weekend - is going to be a lot of not fun.

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset - is We Are The Fallen or Dommin or Demon Hunter or My Chemical Romance or something dark like that. it helps.

27. I've come to realize that my friends - are the best in the world.

28. I've come to realize that this year - is going to be crazy.

29. I've come to realize that my ex(s) - ... i don't have any!

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should - listen and think before i speak.

31. I've come to realize that I love - my jeff.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand - why.

33. I've come to realize my past - formed who i am now, but it doesn't have to control me in the future.

34. I've come to realize that parties - with my friends are really fun.

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified - of doing or saying the wrong thing.

36. I've come to realize that my life - could be really really awesome, depending on my choices.

hope

2010-06-11T16:52:00.000-07:00

your shadow covers me
your eyes haunt me
take me out of the valley
of darkness and despair

you stand before me
you reach out to me
you offer me hope again
when i have none of my own

your arms are holding me
your smile comforts me
i don't understand
how you can love me so

i am fallen
yet you love me
your arms are open
waiting
i am broken
yet you fix me
your arms are open

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

safe again

2010-06-04T16:10:00.000-07:00

i have nothing left to give
empty and alone
and here i am again
following a distant shape

your arms are far away
i can't get there on my own
come and help me
i'm lost in the wilderness

only you can find me,
only you can bring me home
only you can hold me here, safe again

you call me, you beckon me
i can hear you, so faintly
please hold my hand
because i'm drowning here

only you can find me
only you can bring me home
only you can hold me here, safe again
safe again

your love is
the only thing
that keeps me
alive and breathing
your love is
the only thing
i need

only you can find me
only you can bring me home
only you can hold me here, safe again
safe again

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

thought for the day:

2010-05-16T12:49:00.000-07:00

who am i?
and has anyone seen my sanity recently? i think i mislaid it.

boxes boxes boxes boxes boxes boxes going crazy boxes boxes boxes.

2010-05-06T23:05:00.000-07:00

further updates on the moving:

so close to done being packed, you might as well say i am packed.
at present i'm in the stage of "this room has dust in every corner you can think of and it's really embarrassing so i think i will move the furniture around and vacuum it properly."

also, this week seems to be the week for interviews. first superstore on wednesday, and then tim hortons on friday. so i'll be out there for 9.30 tomorrow morning.

and i am taking photos of my room in progress of being packed (of course i am! i take photos of EVERYTHING!) so i'll be popping those up on my flickr and making a mosaic for y'all in the next little while - it may take some time cos of i don't know what internet access will be like for me. but at some point you can all see the evolution of room from clutter to box.

in other news, my hair is driving me up the fucking wall. i'm trying (TRYing being the operative word here) to grow it out - and at present it's in that stupid and awkward stage where it's too long to look cute, but too short to stick in a ponytail, and DEFINITELY too short to look good down. if it weren't that i'm actually growing it out on purpose, i would take the clippers and shave it down again. cos this is very annoying, and i can't imagine what possessed me to cut it. ever. argh. don't you love when you do something and then you regret it after? i know *I* do.

anyways, bedtime. have to get some rest before my interview. otherwise i'll not be entirely awake, and i'll pull a Jayne - "we applied the cortical electrodes, but were unable to get a neural response!"
night, all! ♥

prose of the day

2010-05-04T16:35:00.000-07:00

so a bit of a life update.

didn't manage to move out last weekend - but i have a job interview out there tomorrow, so (if i get the job) i'm going to have to move this weekend for sure.
yeah - superstore. as a cashier. heh. should be interesting. yep.

in other news, have fallen in love with a couple of bands recently - Dommin and We Are The Fallen.
i heard about both bands from some friends who went to a HIM concert at which Dommin and We Are The Fallen were also both playing.
We Are The Fallen is interesting because three out of five band members are originally from Evanescence, but who left or were kicked out, as the case may be. so yeah. check out the linkies i linked. yes.

and i think that's about it. love you all, i'm outta here. got more packing to do! ♥

one plus one

2010-05-02T01:58:00.000-07:00

how do you quantify meaning?
how do you measure a word?
how do you explain the sum of what you say
plus what you mean?
and why is there a difference?
there are only words and more words.
so then how can you say what you mean,
when every word means something different
to another person?

blue means blue, but it may not mean the same shade
to you
as it does to me.
more so with abstract thoughts
like love
and death
anger, shame, greed
fear and frustration
yours and mine

black and white blur to grey
nothing's solid where words are involved
and "you" and "i" are not twins
only cousins
and the endless horizon goes right round the earth
til it ends where you're standing.
when does black stay black, and white stay white?
where is the line between one word and another?
it's a line in the sand, blurry at best,
and it blows away at the lightest breath of air.

how do you quantify meaning?
there is no rule.
no hard and fast one-plus-one makes two
and so the line gets blurred
and i get confused
i see a mud puddle
where another sees a crystal
and vice versa.
so then how can you say what you mean,
when every word means something different
to another person?

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

clinging

2010-04-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

so lost.
so helpless and confused.
swimming through an ocean
of unfamiliar territory.

ashamed.
betrayed and cut open.
all my faults and fears
are violently exposed.

in pain.
sick with these regrets.
playing this game called life
and i'm losing it.

so i cling
to the one who knows me best
to the one who's always here
the rock that holds me safe
i cling, and i pray that you'll be there
that you'll catch me if i fall
that your arms will hold me.

i'm hurt.
uncared-for and neglected.
injured by the words they said
i was left here to bleed.

so scared.
afraid of what might come
i'm wandering alone here
among these dark shadows.

so i cling
to the one who knows me best
to the one who's always here
the rock that holds me safe
i cling, and i pray that you'll be there
that you'll catch me if i fall
that your arms will hold me.

so here i stand
i'm broken and in pain
please cover my shame
heal my pain
keep me near you,
don't ever let me go,
never let me go

and i cling
to the one who knows me best
to the one who's always here
the rock that holds me safe
i cling, and i know that you'll be there
that you'll catch me if i fall
that your arms will hold me.
oh, hold me

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

roads

2010-04-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

i seem to be caught
a fork in the road
there's two ways out -
which to choose? left or right?

on one hand
and on the other
i know where i want to be
but how do i get there?

if i choose that road or if i choose this,
which one's the right way? i can't see past this mist
i'm so lost, so lost and afraid
i can't see

it's like i'm all alone here
with no map to help me
but i have to decide
and there's no turning back.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

domestication?

2010-04-23T19:30:00.000-07:00

so what with mom being in pride and prejudice (yes, that's her in the blue spencer and bonnet, playing Lady Lucas beautifully!) - that leaves me and my sister to the cooking a lot of the time - which almost never happens otherwise :P love you mom!

anyhow, with my sister being at work now (tim hortons!) - that leaves me more often than not in the kitchen ... so here i am, a-chicken-soup-makin'. and rice pudding, too, of which there's only one photo, and which turned out tastier than the soup.

oh yes, and photo credits to my brother.

and in other news, i failed my N driving test. also, i'm trying to move out of my parents' house. yeah. i turned twenty last week monday - happy birthday to me - and i'm figuring it's time to get myself out and be independent for a while. so i'm going out to my grandma's house a town away (coicidentally, the same town my boyfriend lives in XD) and i'm going to try to find a job out there. wish me luck. the move date (yet to be confirmed with grandma, so it may change) is hopefully to be May first. ... here we go!

so. um. news in the life of lizzi.

2010-04-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

well. let me see.

i booked my road test yesterday, it's on monday, at 2.30 in the afternoon, and i'm nervous as hell; but if i pass first time, it means i can finally drive by myself! yes! that would make me so happy.

have been applying for jobs all over the place - tim horton's, petcetera, superstore, staples, warehouse 1, the list goes on. called some places back just five minutes ago, and man do i ever hate making phone calls!! i get all shaky and nervous. not so good. but at least i kept from saying anything completely dumb - win!

and yeah i think that's about it. i'm going to go see one of my teachers from school playing music at a cafe tonight, i think - good old mr taylor. "whatcha talkin' 'bout, willis?" :P

painting dumpsters?

2010-04-14T22:39:00.000-07:00

Hello,
My name is Elizabeth Klassen. I just saw your Industrial Painter job posting, and I would like to apply for this position.
I have researched your company, and being the recipient of several art awards while in high school, I feel confident that I can paint dumpsters and fencing with the best of them.
I have attached my resume as a pdf file.
Thank you for your time.

not a crisis

2010-04-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

you blink once, twice, and find
that life has changed again
what you once thought was safe, familiar
is a blank spot on your map.

you turned around and got surprised
it's not what you expected it to be
a mountain got up and moved overnight
what's your knowledge worth now?

let go of what you thought you knew,
take a deep breath, don't be afraid
it's a new experience, it's not a crisis
take the adventure that's here

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

morphine

2010-03-25T17:14:00.000-07:00

tranquilize me
so i can pretend
like i'm not here any more

give me a drug
i'll hide away
i promise, i'm not here.

i won't be here any more
i'll leave you well alone
drug me up and let me be
don't worry about me, i'm fine.

anesthetize me
so i can pretend
like i don't feel any more

please sedate me
i'll stay in the corner
i won't bother you again

i won't be here any more
i'll leave you well alone
drug me up and let me be
don't worry about me, i'm fine.

numb me now
knock me out
dope me up
desensitize and
medicate me
i'll pretend,
i'll hide away

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

thunderstorm.

2010-03-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

it's traffic jam meets tornado
a foreign language all its own
you're melting down despair
with a good dash of confusion
and i'm stuck in the tar you've made

somehow my message got lost in the sea
i clean my glasses but still i can't see
your thunderstorm is still smashing my trees

only the distance that i've created
saves me from the disease
but it's like a double-edged sword
cos now i'm all alone with your pain
and i'm stuck in the cage i've made

somehow your message got lost in the sea
i clean my glasses but still i can't see
and my thunderstorm is smashing your trees

go away
i can't take any more
no, no, come back
i'll live
i'll live
i'll live and
your thunderstorm is smashing my trees

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

happy birthday to me!

2010-03-23T01:25:00.000-07:00

well.... not really to me; more accurately, to my blog. yes, that's right. today is my blog's first birthday. and i was hoping to have something special for it, but that will have to come later. for now, my special thing will have to be the news that jeff and his family have found a house! yay! it's a sweet house, too.

so yeah. that's about it. and my special birthday treat will have to wait a while. but it's coming, i promise!

she's going to take my pawn...

2010-03-14T21:50:00.001-07:00

a small child of my acquaintance sat down this evening to play chess with a 30-year-old doll of her acquaintance named Albertina. it was an amusing sight.

14th of march....

2010-03-14T17:22:00.000-07:00

happy Pi day, everyone!

seven days

2010-03-12T17:56:00.000-08:00

i had a week. it was weekish. with, you know, days of the week.

let's see. went to choir on monday; had people over for dinner on tuesday; saw jeff on sunday, tuesday, and thursday - i could get used to that; saw alice in wonderland (3D!!!) on sunday and wednesday; went on a walk to the park and took photos on wednesday; i applied for a job on thursday; oh yeah and i have to do my taxes tonight.

fun part about THAT is, i was supposed to sit on the phone with revenue canada for an unspecified but definitely long period of time to get my access code so i can do my taxes online - EXCEPT that ....

.... you're not allowed to do it online if it's the first time ever doing taxes.
which, imo, is rather retarded.
so now i have to do the paper version. woot.

and soy-wax candles leak vegetable oil. or something. cos you needed to know.

this is the response i got........

2010-03-11T13:59:00.000-08:00

Thank you for expressing an interest in joining our _________ team. This is an automated response.

Be advised that your application is being forwarded to that store for consideration by the Store Owner or Manager. At the present time, most stores in the lower mainland are currently hiring.

In any event, your application will be retained in our files. Due to the overwhelming amount of applications we receive, only those applicants that are being considered for positions will be contacted.

Once again thanks for expressing an interest with us.

once again...

2010-03-08T18:58:00.000-08:00

Last person you called?
my dad

Is there anybody you're disappointed in right now?
Yes.

If you are being extremely quiet what does that mean?
can mean several things.
a) i'm really upset
b) i don't want to get involved
c) i'm just relaxed
d) i'm reading.

When was the last time you cried?
yesterday.

Do you have a best friend?
yes, yes i do. :)

Will you be in a relationship 3 months from now?
probably <3

Are you happy at the moment?
mostly

Are you a morning person or a night person?
very definitely a morning person.

Do you want to get married?
eventually :D

Do you think your pretty?
on my good days, yes. but those don't happen very often.

Do you have long eyelashes?
yes i do.

What are you wearing for a top right now?
AFI t-shirt

what color is it?
black

your hair is mostly?
purple.

have you dyed your hair?
um. yes.

what are you wearing tomorrow?
I have no idea!

do you wear lip gloss daily?
never.

do you wear makeup daily?
no, only occasionally.