thousand tears

it'll be one long night before the day is over;
one sad sad song, and a lonely road.
forever was too good for you, and so we'll say goodbye;
i've cried a thousand tears for you, no more.

these untread paths have followed me, unsung songs, your memory
i leave it all behind now, choose no regrets
take your fallen branches, light a fire and keep warm -
i'll not be your matchbook.

i'm surrounded by silence now, but one of solitude
and your fear has proven true, you're lonely once again,
holding heroes to the light like trophies, glinting gold
i was never your prize.

the tree fell in the forest - i watched and wept,
a burning red-orange sun sank into the west.
forever was too good for you, so we said goodbye;
i cried a thousand tears for you, no more.

© Elizabeth Klassen, 2011

somehow

i promised myself i wouldn't
i did my damnedest
but somehow
somewhy
i cried anyways

it's been so so long
i lost track of the days
but somewhere
in there
i still miss you

i try my hardest not to
i do my best not to care
but sometimes
sometimes
i still think of you

and when i saw you
after so long
somehow
somewhy
i cried anyways.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

this WAS going to be a poem, but i changed my mind.

so just a quick update.
psalm 91 had a show in vancouver on saturday, it went pretty well, we get a video and an EP out of it, so that's cool.
i'm currently in a multitude of dilemmas, including one about where i'm going to live, and one about what i'm going to take at school, and one about what i'm going to do for a job, and one about what i'm going to do for transport (car???? driver's licence?????????? ehhhhh..... ), and the list goes on. so yeah.
jeff and i are coming up to one year dating, in a week - woot! love you jeff!
also, i got a new hole through my face on wednesday last week - i have a lip ring, bottom right. i WILL post pictures as soon as i can get my camera hooked up to a computer. have patience.
and yeah, i think that's about it for now.
love you all.

lucky.

your breath is warm on my neck
as i shiver in the cold;
your hands are warm on my skin

i drink you in with my eyes
studying every pore in detail
i think you're incomparably wonderful

how am i so lucky?

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

domestication?

so what with mom being in pride and prejudice (yes, that's her in the blue spencer and bonnet, playing Lady Lucas beautifully!) - that leaves me and my sister to the cooking a lot of the time - which almost never happens otherwise :P love you mom!

anyhow, with my sister being at work now (tim hortons!) - that leaves me more often than not in the kitchen ... so here i am, a-chicken-soup-makin'. and rice pudding, too, of which there's only one photo, and which turned out tastier than the soup.

oh yes, and photo credits to my brother.

and in other news, i failed my N driving test. also, i'm trying to move out of my parents' house. yeah. i turned twenty last week monday - happy birthday to me - and i'm figuring it's time to get myself out and be independent for a while. so i'm going out to my grandma's house a town away (coicidentally, the same town my boyfriend lives in XD) and i'm going to try to find a job out there. wish me luck. the move date (yet to be confirmed with grandma, so it may change) is hopefully to be May first. ... here we go!

happy birthday to me!

well.... not really to me; more accurately, to my blog. yes, that's right. today is my blog's first birthday. and i was hoping to have something special for it, but that will have to come later. for now, my special thing will have to be the news that jeff and his family have found a house! yay! it's a sweet house, too.

so yeah. that's about it. and my special birthday treat will have to wait a while. but it's coming, i promise!

seven days

i had a week. it was weekish. with, you know, days of the week.

let's see. went to choir on monday; had people over for dinner on tuesday; saw jeff on sunday, tuesday, and thursday - i could get used to that; saw alice in wonderland (3D!!!) on sunday and wednesday; went on a walk to the park and took photos on wednesday; i applied for a job on thursday; oh yeah and i have to do my taxes tonight.

fun part about THAT is, i was supposed to sit on the phone with revenue canada for an unspecified but definitely long period of time to get my access code so i can do my taxes online - EXCEPT that ....

.... you're not allowed to do it online if it's the first time ever doing taxes.
which, imo, is rather retarded.
so now i have to do the paper version. woot.

and soy-wax candles leak vegetable oil. or something. cos you needed to know.

update on burned-down house.

so i got a ride down to my boyfriend's ex-house. the place is wrecked. the siding melted, the windows blew out - practically the only thing that wasn't completely eaten up was the garage, somehow everything inside the garage is fine.

but clothes, band gear, game systems, a sound system, books, everything else - was just gone. including my boyfriend's laptop, which had all his art on it, and all his pens and pencils and his sketchbook, plus a custom guitar he was borrowing from someone else.

and the death count was not entirely accurate: one lizard made it out.
ironically, leanne was trying to get rid of the lizards. she even offered them to me, a couple weeks back - but my mom didn't want reptiles in the house. yeah so somehow Brindy was unscathed. though his friend Stryper was not so lucky.

and now there are three sad little boxes in the backyard - one bigger one and two smaller ones, covered with a loud pink and brown afghan. RIP Trinity, Sage, Nike, Strongbow, Stryper, and two other cats whose names i don't know.

(a picture of Trinity, taken on friday.)

leanne is completely devastated right now, the boys are pretty upset too, and when i saw him yesterday, it hadn't quite hit jeff yet. so again, KEEP THEM IN YOUR PRAYERS - pretty please?

Not a joke.

so i just got a call from a friend - my boyfriend's house just burned to the ground while he was at work. the renters who were living downstairs are in hospital for smoke inhalation, and leanne was on her way to vanc. isl. to speak at a youth conference, so she's heading back now.
but for sure jeff, leanne, her two boys, and the renters and their four small kids have all lost everything - computers, band gear, plus a total death count of two lizards, three dogs, and three cats.

so if any of you blog readers pray, PLEASE DO.

thought of you

i thought of you today -
the way your eyes light up when you see me
the way your smile gets just that much bigger

i thought of how you hold my hand.
i love it when you do that.

and i love how you always listen whenever i'm upset
i love how you sneak up behind me to give me a hug
and my heart skips a beat or three
when you tell me i'm beautiful.

or when i fall asleep on your shoulder in the car
and you gently touch my cheek to wake me up.
i love that too.

i love it so much, that i would fall asleep on purpose if i could,
just so you would wake me up like that.

i even love little stupid things about you.
like your eyelashes.
honestly, who falls in love with eyelashes? i guess i do.
because i think yours are the most beautiful eyelashes i've ever seen.

i absolutely adore your shoulders. and your back.
and your hands. i really really love your hands.
i know, it's strange. but it's true.

you say i'm beautiful - would it sound odd to say i think you are too?

but i really really really love how much you care.
i love that you ask me how i'm doing
i love how you're always there when i need you
and that you get just that little bit jealous.

i even love that you cried
when i told you how much you hurt me.
because it tells me that you really didn't mean to,
and that you would never hurt me on purpose.

i love the way you hold me when i need a hug
i love the way you offer to fetch me a glass of water - even though i have two feet, i could do it
i love how we can talk about the strangest stuff.

hell, i just love you.

and i thought of you today - and now i miss you.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

happy valentine's!

coming up....

so v-day is coming up soon. as in tomorrow.
ah, valentine's. the day of red and pink, roses and hearts and chocolate, little sweet sayings and tiny cards given out by elementary school kids to all their classmates, the day of couples everywhere. and, up til now, the day which i had a kind of dread for - because no one ever gave me a little tiny card (except for my best friend jessi, who gave me a little tiny v-card most years until i was about 12), or chocolates, or roses, or ... you name it, i didn't get it, cos i was always single. it was kind of depressing.
but this year - well, i'm not so depressed this year.
this year i get to share v-day with my jeff. i can't wait. :)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

HEY HEY READ THIS IT'S ANOTHER MEME :P

These questions will get rather deep and personal, can you take it?
i think i can.

Swear to me that you will answer them all honestly?
i'll do my best.

Are you a mean person?
can be at times, but i try not to be.

Honestly who was the last person's bed you slept in?
my own, but before that it was leanne's bed.

Where were you when you last took a shower?
in the shower. in the downstairs bathroom.

Have you ever changed in a car, what were you changing?
i've changed in a car before, i think i was putting on a skirt and taking off a pair of pants.

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
nope.

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
hmmmm i don't think so.

Is there someone you don't want to be out of your life?
definitely.

Is there someone you want OUT of your life?
well, before i was fired, i would have said yes for sure, but now that i'm fired, that particular person isn't really in my life anymore. so now i can't really think of anyone.

Is there a night you would like to put on repeat, and live it forever?
yes, yes there is. wouldn't you like to know.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
several times.

What was the last thing you drank?
as in alcohol? a strongbow on friday night. as in just any ingestible fluid? tea, this morning.

Are you in a good mood right now?
ask me again when i actually HAVE a mood.

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
jeans. mmm i missed my jeans - couldn't wear them at work.

Are you wearing a ring?
seven rings, actually. hah.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
yep!

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
i'm definitely a loud music kind of girl. but not so loud as to blow my ears out. hehe.

Is anything bothering you?
well, my lack of employment, perhaps - nothing else i know of, though.

Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
no - that just doesn't make sense!

When you're getting ready for something, do you listen to music?
occasionally

Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?
um, probably.

What were you doing at 7:00 this morning?
showering.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care?
i would be VERY upset. like VERY VERY upset. thankfully, i don't think that's something i'll have to worry about.

Do you ever get good morning texts?
hehe yes. and i love getting them. :)

Is your hair clean?
yes yes.

What should you be doing right now?
probably cleaning my room so i can work on Teh Doomycloak tomorrow.

When was the last time you completely broke down?
probably friday when i got the boot at work.

Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail?
nope!

Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?
hehe yes. it's kind of fun.

Ever made a prank phone call?
nope. and i don't plan to.

not the usual sort of thank you letter.

sometimes i can be a royal jackass.
sometimes my feelings run away with me
and sit making irrational noises in the corner of my mind.

thank you for being there
and for listening and validating my irrationality.
thank you for letting me know
how YOU felt.

thank you for our first fight.

because it wouldn't have been the same without you.
you're the best.

it's been a while...

well. that was another fairly intense weekend.

friday night, i got picked up by my boyfriend to go out to his house for the evening, and on the way there was a phone call from leanne to pick up drinks. so we got a 4-pack of smirnoff triple black coolers, and another 4 of strongbows. the boyfriend and i had a just a cooler and a half each, didn't even touch the strongbow - and good gosh the two of us were both pissed drunk right away. heh. such lightweights as we are. i think i won't be having a cooler again for a while.
it's funny though, once i'm tolerably tipsy i tend to sit straight up with my hands in my lap, all proper, and i don't slouch so much. i wonder why.

and then saturday i felt miserable. i was properly hung-over, like anyone who got drunk on a friday night ought to have been, and it serves me right, too.
and then in the evening me and jeff and leanne and a large pack of small boys all went to see The Spy Next Door. it has jackie chan in it - and i think it's the only movie i've seen him in that has more character development for him than kung-fu. i liked it. it was funny and cute and had fighting in it. and russians with incomprehensible accents. and of course the russian lady's name was tatiana. very predictable. lol.

and then went to church on sunday morning. and in the afternoon, i was cameraman for my brother's Media Arts project for school - or rather, i was Institution Security and he was the patient. heh. he was being a madman. he didn't do too badly either.

oh yeah and apparently i talked in my sleep ALL NIGHT saturday night/sunday morning. i didn't even know i talked in my sleep at all. oh well, learn something new every day, right?

so yeah.

and in a week, jeff & i will have been going out for six months. :D i'm kind of happy about that. hehe

♥

attacked?

so three posts in one day, that's got to be a record for me.

anyways, managed to stop in at leanne's this evening and acquire a copy of psalm 91's album Shelter - psalm 91 being the original name of Ekliptika.

however, leanne forgot to tell jeff that i was coming (even though it was only going to be a very short stop-in-grab-cd-and-leave type deal). so i come in the door, and come upstairs, and all i see is red sweater coming straight towards me. yes, i was attacked by a flying red ninja boyfriend. hehe. got picked right up and spun around. i think he missed me. :P

and then there's the song on the cd with the brit punks saying oi. makes me laugh EVERY TIME.

anyway. bedtime for me, work at 7.30 tomorrow.

happy dancing, happy dancing :)

wow. what a weekend.

watched 9 and District 9 on friday night, and fell asleep on the couch right after the nigerian dude's head got blown into bits all over the camera in District 9. my friends all laughed at me for sleeping right through the climax of the movie. 9 is an adorable movie, though - my favourite character was Seven, i loved her bird skull helmet and her mad fighting skills :)

also stayed awake til three thirty saturday morning cos of a kid having a night terror - we had to pin him down so he wouldn't hurt himself, and it took three of us to do it, even though he's what, 8? and pretty skinny. he actually almost ripped the bathroom door off, it was hanging off the top hinge. and he was totally asleep the entire time. it was ... pretty interesting. he finally woke up when he fell and hit his head on the bathroom tile.

so then saturday i sang at a rock concert thing for a friend's Sweet Sixteenth, i was back-up vocals for Ekliptika - it's the band my boyfriend's in, as lead guitarist. we had a fill-in drummer, Ken from She Says Electric, cos Ekliptika doesn't have one atm. anyways, it was pretty freaking fun, i thoroughly enjoyed myself once i loosened up enough and got myself some confidence lol. a friend of mine assumed i was actually in the band for reals, asked me some random question, and i'm all, "this is only the second time i've sung with these guys, and i'm not an official band member, so i don't know the answer to that," and he's all, "for srs? i thought you were in the band! you faked it really well!" and then someone else said me and Leanne (Ekliptika's lead singer/rhythm guitarist) sing well together. so yeah. it was fun.

and then had the surprise of my life when Leanne actually asked me if i wanted to be a for srs band member. i was all, "fuck yeah!!"

cos it's been one of my dreams to be in a rock band. so that was srsly EPIC. plus i love Ekliptika. so yeah. saturday was fucking amazing.
and i'm in a band now. XD

and then hung out with my jeff all day sunday. actually really spent the entire weekend hanging out with him. cos he and Leanne picked me up from my house friday afternoon, and i slept over at Leanne's both nights - where he rents a room. so i got to see him friday saturday and sunday, and sing in a band with him saturday night. not to mention joining said band. i mean, what could be better than that? so yeah this girl is a happy one right now.

and so signs out the newest member of Ekliptika! HELLS YEAH! ♥

camera fun with the bf

haha and i just realised that this is my 100th blog post! it came up quicker than i thought it would. so enjoy the photos and the new year and the knowledge that lizzi is more dedicated to blogging than she used to be :) have a good january 4th, everyone! ♥ ♥ ♥

this is for you. happy new years'.

i hurt for you. your pain makes me want to cry in sympathy. please don't ever hold back; i'm not afraid to see you angry and upset. i'm not afraid to see you yell or see you cry. i trust you, i believe that you will never hurt me on purpose. so don't hide your shit away in a jar in the top shelf of a dusty storage closet in the basement, bring it out and show me. tell me about it. give me all the gory details about it. because i want to help you, i want to comfort you, i want to watch you deal with your dusty old jar of crap the best you can. it's the least i can do, after showing you all mine. and never forget, i got your back. always.
i wish i could just take all your worries and fears away, but i'm not powerful enough. so i'll try to do what i can.
i won't force you to do something you don't want to do. i won't get mad if you've made other plans. you are worth my trust and respect, and i won't withhold either of them from you. i will always be here to listen. i will do my damnedest to never manipulate you. you are amazing and extraordinary, and i would have to be a million different kinds of stupid to hurt you on purpose.
and i'm on your side. always.

fences.

what is this?
it's like opening a present
and wrapping it at the same time.
it's like watching it snow
in the dead heat of summer.
i push you away
and pull you close simultaneously
and i'm still not sure i get it.

what is this?
it's a gordian knot made of us,
and a ten foot pole to hold it open.
it's a rocket ship to reach the stars
and a cave out of reach of the sky.
i create fences
and tear them down concurrently
but maybe i just want to run free.

what is this?
it's loneliness
and company
it's friendship
and it's not.
you push me away
but you hold me close
and i know that this is right.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2009