clinging

so lost.
so helpless and confused.
swimming through an ocean
of unfamiliar territory.

ashamed.
betrayed and cut open.
all my faults and fears
are violently exposed.

in pain.
sick with these regrets.
playing this game called life
and i'm losing it.

so i cling
to the one who knows me best
to the one who's always here
the rock that holds me safe
i cling, and i pray that you'll be there
that you'll catch me if i fall
that your arms will hold me.

i'm hurt.
uncared-for and neglected.
injured by the words they said
i was left here to bleed.

so scared.
afraid of what might come
i'm wandering alone here
among these dark shadows.

so i cling
to the one who knows me best
to the one who's always here
the rock that holds me safe
i cling, and i pray that you'll be there
that you'll catch me if i fall
that your arms will hold me.

so here i stand
i'm broken and in pain
please cover my shame
heal my pain
keep me near you,
don't ever let me go,
never let me go

and i cling
to the one who knows me best
to the one who's always here
the rock that holds me safe
i cling, and i know that you'll be there
that you'll catch me if i fall
that your arms will hold me.
oh, hold me

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

roads

i seem to be caught
a fork in the road
there's two ways out -
which to choose? left or right?

on one hand
and on the other
i know where i want to be
but how do i get there?

if i choose that road or if i choose this,
which one's the right way? i can't see past this mist
i'm so lost, so lost and afraid
i can't see


it's like i'm all alone here
with no map to help me
but i have to decide
and there's no turning back.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

domestication?

so what with mom being in pride and prejudice (yes, that's her in the blue spencer and bonnet, playing Lady Lucas beautifully!) - that leaves me and my sister to the cooking a lot of the time - which almost never happens otherwise :P love you mom!

anyhow, with my sister being at work now (tim hortons!) - that leaves me more often than not in the kitchen ... so here i am, a-chicken-soup-makin'. and rice pudding, too, of which there's only one photo, and which turned out tastier than the soup.

oh yes, and photo credits to my brother.

and in other news, i failed my N driving test. also, i'm trying to move out of my parents' house. yeah. i turned twenty last week monday - happy birthday to me - and i'm figuring it's time to get myself out and be independent for a while. so i'm going out to my grandma's house a town away (coicidentally, the same town my boyfriend lives in XD) and i'm going to try to find a job out there. wish me luck. the move date (yet to be confirmed with grandma, so it may change) is hopefully to be May first. ... here we go!

so. um. news in the life of lizzi.

well. let me see.

i booked my road test yesterday, it's on monday, at 2.30 in the afternoon, and i'm nervous as hell; but if i pass first time, it means i can finally drive by myself! yes! that would make me so happy.

have been applying for jobs all over the place - tim horton's, petcetera, superstore, staples, warehouse 1, the list goes on. called some places back just five minutes ago, and man do i ever hate making phone calls!! i get all shaky and nervous. not so good. but at least i kept from saying anything completely dumb - win!

and yeah i think that's about it. i'm going to go see one of my teachers from school playing music at a cafe tonight, i think - good old mr taylor. "whatcha talkin' 'bout, willis?" :P

painting dumpsters?

Hello,
My name is Elizabeth Klassen. I just saw your Industrial Painter job posting, and I would like to apply for this position.
I have researched your company, and being the recipient of several art awards while in high school, I feel confident that I can paint dumpsters and fencing with the best of them.
I have attached my resume as a pdf file.
Thank you for your time.

not a crisis

you blink once, twice, and find
that life has changed again
what you once thought was safe, familiar
is a blank spot on your map.

you turned around and got surprised
it's not what you expected it to be
a mountain got up and moved overnight
what's your knowledge worth now?

let go of what you thought you knew,
take a deep breath, don't be afraid
it's a new experience, it's not a crisis
take the adventure that's here

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

morphine

tranquilize me
so i can pretend
like i'm not here any more

give me a drug
i'll hide away
i promise, i'm not here.

i won't be here any more
i'll leave you well alone
drug me up and let me be
don't worry about me, i'm fine.

anesthetize me
so i can pretend
like i don't feel any more

please sedate me
i'll stay in the corner
i won't bother you again

i won't be here any more
i'll leave you well alone
drug me up and let me be
don't worry about me, i'm fine.

numb me now
knock me out
dope me up
desensitize and
medicate me
i'll pretend,
i'll hide away

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

thunderstorm.

it's traffic jam meets tornado
a foreign language all its own
you're melting down despair
with a good dash of confusion
and i'm stuck in the tar you've made

somehow my message got lost in the sea
i clean my glasses but still i can't see
your thunderstorm is still smashing my trees

only the distance that i've created
saves me from the disease
but it's like a double-edged sword
cos now i'm all alone with your pain
and i'm stuck in the cage i've made

somehow your message got lost in the sea
i clean my glasses but still i can't see
and my thunderstorm is smashing your trees

go away
i can't take any more
no, no, come back
i'll live
i'll live
i'll live and
your thunderstorm is smashing my trees

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

happy birthday to me!

well.... not really to me; more accurately, to my blog. yes, that's right. today is my blog's first birthday. and i was hoping to have something special for it, but that will have to come later. for now, my special thing will have to be the news that jeff and his family have found a house! yay! it's a sweet house, too.

so yeah. that's about it. and my special birthday treat will have to wait a while. but it's coming, i promise!

she's going to take my pawn...

a small child of my acquaintance sat down this evening to play chess with a 30-year-old doll of her acquaintance named Albertina. it was an amusing sight.

14th of march....

happy Pi day, everyone!

seven days

i had a week. it was weekish. with, you know, days of the week.

let's see. went to choir on monday; had people over for dinner on tuesday; saw jeff on sunday, tuesday, and thursday - i could get used to that; saw alice in wonderland (3D!!!) on sunday and wednesday; went on a walk to the park and took photos on wednesday; i applied for a job on thursday; oh yeah and i have to do my taxes tonight.

fun part about THAT is, i was supposed to sit on the phone with revenue canada for an unspecified but definitely long period of time to get my access code so i can do my taxes online - EXCEPT that ....

.... you're not allowed to do it online if it's the first time ever doing taxes.
which, imo, is rather retarded.
so now i have to do the paper version. woot.

and soy-wax candles leak vegetable oil. or something. cos you needed to know.

this is the response i got........

Thank you for expressing an interest in joining our _________ team. This is an automated response.

Be advised that your application is being forwarded to that store for consideration by the Store Owner or Manager. At the present time, most stores in the lower mainland are currently hiring.

In any event, your application will be retained in our files. Due to the overwhelming amount of applications we receive, only those applicants that are being considered for positions will be contacted.

Once again thanks for expressing an interest with us.

once again...

Last person you called?
my dad

Is there anybody you're disappointed in right now?
Yes.

If you are being extremely quiet what does that mean?
can mean several things.
a) i'm really upset
b) i don't want to get involved
c) i'm just relaxed
d) i'm reading.

When was the last time you cried?
yesterday.

Do you have a best friend?
yes, yes i do. :)

Will you be in a relationship 3 months from now?
probably <3

Are you happy at the moment?
mostly

Are you a morning person or a night person?
very definitely a morning person.

Do you want to get married?
eventually :D

Do you think your pretty?
on my good days, yes. but those don't happen very often.

Do you have long eyelashes?
yes i do.

What are you wearing for a top right now?
AFI t-shirt

what color is it?
black

your hair is mostly?
purple.

have you dyed your hair?
um. yes.

what are you wearing tomorrow?
I have no idea!

do you wear lip gloss daily?
never.

do you wear makeup daily?
no, only occasionally.

aha! bet you didn't see this coming!

so i'm coming up to a year on this blog, and the only comment so far about it has been a request for either a photoshoot or a poem. come on, people, don't you care what you read? but i may have a *special* photoshoot planned. hah.

anyway, look at me! →
i got my hair coloured today. my dear sweet cousin, who, by the way, was the lucky recipient of the baseball scarf from the last post, was so good as to colour my hair for me, and, if i so desire, she'll make it black if i decide i don't like the purple. yes, you heard me right. it's purple. *grins* a dark and rather subtle purple, but still of a violet hue. oh yes. and i may not even go to black, the purple's kind of growing on me. cos it was originally a bit of an experiment. so yeah.

and don't i look cute with that little black bow in my hair? yeah. i do.

so yeah. that's it for now, toodles, all! ♥

test-driving a christmas present.

yes, this is march. yes, i finished it yesterday. yes, it was supposed to be a christmas present. for dec 2009. yes, i'm ashamed of my procrastination.

but damn, i did good.

and if it looks familiar, yes, it's from a movie. three guesses as to which one, and the first two don't count.



anyway. it's done, and i'm going to bed now.

faintly heard.

bass vibrations, rhythms faintly heard
a voice whispering
do you hear it too?

as if in a tunnel or through glass
only barely discernable
and yet so insistent

i can't tell one word from another
though i know i ought to,
i know it's important

am i deaf? do i have cotton in my ears?
please, help me hear it
i'm so lost

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

update on burned-down house.

so i got a ride down to my boyfriend's ex-house. the place is wrecked. the siding melted, the windows blew out - practically the only thing that wasn't completely eaten up was the garage, somehow everything inside the garage is fine.

but clothes, band gear, game systems, a sound system, books, everything else - was just gone. including my boyfriend's laptop, which had all his art on it, and all his pens and pencils and his sketchbook, plus a custom guitar he was borrowing from someone else.

and the death count was not entirely accurate: one lizard made it out.
ironically, leanne was trying to get rid of the lizards. she even offered them to me, a couple weeks back - but my mom didn't want reptiles in the house. yeah so somehow Brindy was unscathed. though his friend Stryper was not so lucky.

and now there are three sad little boxes in the backyard - one bigger one and two smaller ones, covered with a loud pink and brown afghan. RIP Trinity, Sage, Nike, Strongbow, Stryper, and two other cats whose names i don't know.

(a picture of Trinity, taken on friday.)

leanne is completely devastated right now, the boys are pretty upset too, and when i saw him yesterday, it hadn't quite hit jeff yet. so again, KEEP THEM IN YOUR PRAYERS - pretty please?

Not a joke.

so i just got a call from a friend - my boyfriend's house just burned to the ground while he was at work. the renters who were living downstairs are in hospital for smoke inhalation, and leanne was on her way to vanc. isl. to speak at a youth conference, so she's heading back now.
but for sure jeff, leanne, her two boys, and the renters and their four small kids have all lost everything - computers, band gear, plus a total death count of two lizards, three dogs, and three cats.

so if any of you blog readers pray, PLEASE DO.

question:

so it's just under a month til the first anniversary of this blog.
anybody want a special post?
eg. giveaway
photoshoot
poem
meme
???????
or just a regular sort of happy-birthday-to-squelchbaker's-blog?

help me out, here, people.