butterfly's wing

so tired
balloons, out of helium, sent into the atmosphere
and falling,
brightly coloured specks of who knows what
collapsed and shrivelled.
apple cores,
rot full of worms
and the seeds sprout inside
trying to grow.
exhausted
dead tree, lightning-struck,
falls during a storm.
like the old question, does anyone hear?
knowing there's more
doesn't mean you find it
lost and alone
trudge through the sand
of a dried out ocean, fish-bones and shells littering the ground.
the cemetery of your life
spreads out around you, desolate and still
and you sit hopeless
cross-legged on the dirt
hoping for the sound
of a butterfly's wing
shifting the air.
nursery walls that held you safe, comforted
are crumbled now, and the crib over-turned,
blankets spread out and filthy in the rubble.
so, so tired
you sleep in a grave
a half-dozen feet, a man's height, below the earth
waiting for the sun to warm you
waiting for a lightning-strike to restart your heart
waiting for the sound of a butterfly's wing
waiting for more than what you have
because all you have is
this grave you lie in.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2009

I never thought.

I never thought I'd want to get drunk
But I want to get drunk with you.

I never thought I'd want to spill my guts
The way I spill them to you.

I never thought I'd want to be this close
To another human, but I do.

I never thought I'd want to share my thoughts
As much as I share them with you.

I never thought I'd want to get drunk
But I really do want to, with you.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2009

a few things from a blog i found.

was randomly browsing the web & came across this blog. had to share some of my favourites.
if you're easily offended, don't look at these - some of them are slightly inappropriate - and by slightly, i mean not really slightly, more like very inappropriate. but they made me smile. so there you go. and the first few are okay. i think. click to embiggen if you can't read the words.

apparently, i'm fearless.

If you get more than 30, get some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 11-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are full of crap.
Tag 10 of your friends and find out whether or not they suffer paranoia.


I fear ...
[ ] black people
[ ] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[ ] being a parent
[x] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[ ] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed/mugged
[x] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[ ] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[x] scary movies
[ ] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[ ] becoming blind
[ ] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up, old
[x] creepy noises in the night
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood


Grand Total: 9

Now re-post with:
“I'm afraid of __ out of 62 common fears"

Now tag ten people and let them fill out the note,
see what they are scared of!

I will windmill kick you in the face.

That's right. I saw Bradley Hathaway live at House of James this evening. So much fun. I'm so glad I went. And now I own a shirt that claims, "I WILL WINDMILL KICK YOU IN THE FACE" - because that's a line from his poem called "The Annoying Hardcore Dude That Goes Too Far", which you can find on youtube if you want to hear it. It's one of the best. Anyways, just thought I'd leave you with the words to one of the ones that he recited tonight, and which I loved.

The Hug Poem

I read about how you touched them and they were healed
Or even if someone just touched your cloak they were forever changed
You let a broken women bathe your feet in her tears
And you washed your best friend’s feet
I am just wondering though did you just ever hug people

I mean I know that it is a silly question and all I am sure you would have why wouldn’t you
But its one of those things that was never mentioned that got me thinking about it

And how whenever there was a touch from you sins were forgiven and sickness fell
I think I’m caught up in my sins last time I checked all my body parts were properly working, nothing special here
I am just a kid with a heavy heart these passing sunrises and sunsets

I don’t think our encounter would have ended up in the gospels or anything
Because all I really need is a hug
That is ok for me to imagine right
That’s not going to be conflicting with any sort of theology is it
Ok good, then hug me

But not one of these side ways one arm around the neck type hugs
Or the ghetto right hand clasp fists elbows to chest pit pat on the back back
Or you put your right arm over my right arm and I put my left arm over your left arm and we make this weird sort of diagonal thing
Nah none of those

BEAR HUG ME MAN
Take your old school carpenter arms and throw them over my upper body leaving my arms dangling underneath yours somewhere and I can barely move them because you're squeezing so hard
But don’t pick me up and make my back pop because I hate it when people do that

And hold me, hold me here in your arms until I start to cry because
I WANT TO CRY
But I just can’t seem to do it on my own
I have been teary eyed once recently but not even enough for a drip down my cheek
Theres just hurt in my soul that needs to be purged so hold me in this hold pose until the pain is flowing from my eyes and nose

i could really use a back massage. i think my shoulders are too tense.

So i guess it's about time for an update; i haven't blogged in a while.
first off, i now has a job - i'm working at winners. this is very exciting. because, of course, i've never had a real job before. so i get to learn the ropes and such at last.
[sigh] my happygolucky teenage days are almost over... what a real shame. i must now assume a responsible posture, careful attitude, and a hopeless demeanor, and wear my corsets UNDER my clothes. fml.
and i has a boyfriend - but you knew about that one already, if you've been reading my blog for any decent length of time. but i can't help adding him into this post, because it's a life update post. and he's in my life. so if you don't want to hear about him anymore, you'll just have to suck it up and read on. or stop reading. either way, i don't care. i mean, i would rather you stuck around and read my blog [the more readers, the better, right?] but if you really want to leave, you can. of course, that begs the question, why would you really want to leave? i'm charming, witty, beautiful, and oh-so-smart! - and clearly, full of myself. [awkward silence] ... no. i'm kidding. but do please stick around. i like to be read.
i SERIOUSLY gothed up for church yesterday - spiked my hair, did black eyeliner, black lips, black tanktop-corset-skirt combo, along with my burgundy Docs and my black fishnet arm-thingers, and my coffin-shaped backpack... now this is church, mind you. god and worship and tithe and all. ... but does anyone blink an eye? - N0, not a chance! they say how much they like my outfit, is what they do! i'm not a social outcast for being different, and it's awesome! i seriously fucking love my church, and my God! - and yes, i know swearing is frowned upon by christians everywhere, but I say, STFU. because God likes it best when we're honest. and when i swear, i'm honestly saying exactly what i mean. i don't throw in an f-word every second word, just when i'm in the middle of some extreme emotion. so there. and it's true. i fucking love God. cos he's just amazing.
.... aaaand moving right along.
my phone is dying on me by inches; the vibrate function's almost completely gone, and sometimes it makes really funny buzzy noises instead of actually buzzing the phone itself, and sometimes it cuts out altogether. and today when i was trying to send a text to my bf, it shut itself off randomly. i was like, WTF?!?! because it shouldn't be doing that. however, it IS about three years old now. so i guess it's not that unusual.
facebook made me stay off it for about six hours this evening, too. i was pissed. it said i couldn't access my account because of site maintenance. if you ask me, i say that's BS-speak for, "there's something wrong but we don't know how to fix it in five minutes or less. so we're going to try to work it out before you notice something's wrong, and when you do notice, we'll do our best to make it look like yours isn't the only one that there's something going wrong with." but now i'm happily back on facecrack facebook. so.
um - yeah. i guess that's about it. that was a pretty long post. kudos if you made it all the way through. and <3 <3 <3 to my boyfriend :)

destruction and despair

ivy entwined around the hall
corpses, cold and pale
litter the floors

the walls are crumbling
brick to brick and stone to stone
come unglued

and the bones of the bodies
silent, stiff, and stark, are
exposed by curling, rotted flesh.

survey your damage
return to view the wreckage
of an inheritance destroyed

murder.

and for what?

revenge.

the men, the women, the children
that you killed
swarm with teeming maggots

and the house you tore down
overgrown now
and collapsing

but the hungry, gnawing holes
in the soaring walls
can never devour all your anger

and here you stand
no better for the fury that scorched this place
no happier for this ruination

for this despair.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2009

Grey

And the line between Black and White blurred. White thought to herself that Black was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, and she loved the grey that meant that Black was rubbing off on her.
However, Black didn't seem to understand how totally amazing it was to her that any colour could ever find White so attractive. In White's opinion, all other colours were preferable to being white. Even drab-coloured would be more interesting. And yet Black found her fascinating - even beautiful - which bewildered, puzzled, baffled, and bemused her.
But White was so content just to be close to Black, to hold his beautiful hand, and to trace along his eyebrows, his ears, and his beautiful beautiful lips with her fingers, that she decided not to worry about it any more.

gotta love a meme

1. What time did you get up this morning?
6.30/7

2. How do you like your steak?
Medium Rare

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Harry Potter and Half Blood Prince

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Firefly, no question.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
I'm pretty happy in BC, but I wouldn't mind living in the UK somewhere

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Porridge

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Yes.

8. What foods do you dislike?
Zucchini, eggplant, feta cheese, and potato chips.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
I don't know

10. Favorite dressing?
Caesar salad dressing

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
I don't really drive - but when I do it's my parents' Mazda MPV

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Black ones.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Wales

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
No.

15. Where would you want to retire?
What if I don't want to retire?

16. Favorite time of day?
Between 5am & 10am. Thus speaks a morning person.

17. Where were you born?
Kamloops

18. What is your favourite sport to watch?
No.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
There are no tags in blogger.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first
See above

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Most curious just to see who will bother.

22. Bird watcher?
Not really

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Morning - see Q16

24. Do you have any pets?
No.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
I have a boyfriend, but if you read my blog on a regular basis you'll know that already.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
Harriet the Spy, or a writer, or a gymnast, or an astronaut. That reminds me, I really should read Harriet the Spy again soon.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Going to the Tea House with Jessi.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Cat cat cat cat cat.

29. What's the strangest thing you've bought lately?
Gas!

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Yes

31. Been in a car accident?
Yes, once, when I was a baby, and the paramedics thought I had a serious head injury because of a red birthmark on the back of my head.

32. Any pet peeves?
Grammar & spelling mistakes

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
Ham & Pineapple, baby

34. Favorite Flower?
Pansies, roses, daisies

35. Favorite ice cream?
Yes.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant
I don't eat fast food.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Haven't taken it yet.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
Someone called Gloria [last name omitted for privacy] - on a corset mailing list

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Venus&Mars or Millenium

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Slept over at Leanne's

41. Like your job?
Don't have one yet

42. Broccoli
Is just barely tolerable

43. What was your favorite vacation?
Haven't really gone on vacation, except a week at Hole-in-the-wall in South Africa.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
I don't really go out to dinner. So I can't even remember.

45. What are you listening to right now?
KT Tunstall - Hold On.

46. What is your favorite color?
Black black black black black black!!!

47. How many tattoos do you have?
One.

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
See Q19

49. What time did you finish this quiz?
7.53 am

50. Coffee Drinker
I'm a tea drinker.

51. What would you tell yourself if you could go back in time?
They're right when they say it's really easy to do stupid things.

yo

news flash: lizzi's not single any more!
i have a boyfriend, as of last night.
this is so wierd, you have no idea. i've never had what i would call a real boyfriend before. i kind of almost went out with someone for a week - but i don't count that.
so yeah.

in other news, freecycle rocks. i got a bicycle - a really nice one, with like 21 speeds - for nothing. it's great. but i haven't used those muscles in a while - ouch ouch ouch. i went out for a ride this afternoon, and boy am i going to be sore in the morning. no fun. at least it'll be good sore.

um yeah. that's pretty much it.
toodles guys!

tuesday oh tuesday.

so, as i mentioned in my comment on my last post, me & my dad have pretty much decided that ms. greenwich-nanny-employer is a scam. mainly because she still hasn't sent us the CV & references we requested - and we asked her last week. before that, she was sending regular responses like the day after i sent one. plus there were other red flags. anyhow. so i guess i'm staying where i am for now - but that means i have to keep looking for a job. i hate that.
and i had a ... friend over today - we made snickerdoodles and ate hash-browns & greek salad for lunch. <3. and we're hanging out again tomorrow and probably going for a ride on the scootermachinemobile :D ← happy happy me
and yeah. that's about it.

oh my goodness...

... posting two days in a row! gotta be a record.
anyhow, how's this for crazy?
i got offered a nannying job in greenwich! that's right, that mean time place. in england. intense, hey? but now i have to ask my potential employer for proof she exists - so as i know she's not just a scam - in appropriately stodgy language, since there's no way i can actually meet her unless i go overseas. however, my dad is way better at that kind of stuff than i am (go stodge-king!), so he's typing it up for me. i <3 you, dad!
the only thing that i'm really super concerned about would be my youth leader commitment - i would pretty much have to break it. for a year or so, anyhow. poor aaron, he'd be down to two leaders: himself and vince. i don't think i have any other huge commitments that i would have to be worried about.
so yeah. the £ to $ works out at $4500/month that i'd be paid - for watching a two-year-old girl. srsly. not even kidding. plus £200/weekend to take the tyke shopping. WTF.
i just hope she charges a reasonable room&board. unless of course she's going to make me be a live-out. in which case i shall have to find a flat to live in or something.
oh well. god'll work it out. i hope.

a quiz told me i am goth

[RICH KID]
You go tαnning. [ ]
You own α cell phone. [x]
You love going to the mαll. [ ]
You own αn iPod/MP3 plαyer. [x]
You love Stαrbucks. [ ]
You hαve been cαlled α brαt. [ <] (by my sister - so it doesn't count for a whole x, just a half one.)
You hαte buying things thαt αre on sαle. [ ]
Totαl: 2.5

[GOTH]
Blαck is one of your fαvorite colors. [x]
You hαve thought αbout deαth. [x]
You weαr chαins. [x]
You like heαvy metαl. [x]
You shop at Hot Topic. [ ] (Stupidest definition of goth ever, by the way)
You hαve worn blαck lipstick. [x]
Your hαir is dαrk. [x]
You're αn αtheist. [ ]
You hαve piercings. [x]
Totαl: 7

[SKATER]
You cαn skαteboαrd. [ ]
You like Converse. [x]
You weαr plαid. [x]
You hαte MTV. [x]
You dislike pink. [ ]
You dont reαlly like rich/snobby kids. [x]
You weαr skαte boαrding shoes. [ ]
Totαl: 4

[NERD]
You love the computer. [x]
You like Stαr Wαrs. [x]
You were/αre supposed to weαr glαsses. [x]
You love reαding. [x]
You were/αre in bαnd. [ ] (I wish!)
You don't cαre whαt you look like. [ <] (sometimes i do, sometimes i don't)
Totαl: 4.5

[EMO]
You αre depressed sometimes. [x]
You hαve blαck-rimmed glαsses. [ ]
You like the bαnd Thursdαy/Blue October. [ ] (never heard of them, how'm i supposed to like them?)
You cry eαsily. [x]
You like emo music. [ ]
You keep α journαl/diαry. [x]
You hαve written α sαd poem. [x] (many!)
You hαve/hαd α sαd MySpαce lαyout. [ ] (i hate myspace, for the record)
Totαl: 4

[GHETTO/GANGSTA]
You like rαp. [ ]
You αre in a gαng. [ ]
You weαr rubberbαnds on your pαnts. [ ] (what?)
You hαve/had worn Converse with the tongue flipped out. [x] (i confess i have)
You have worn high top shoes. [x]
You prefer rap music over emo. [ ]
Totαl: 2

[SCENE/HARDCORE]
You weαr α bαndαnα. [ ]
You love(d) the Ninja Turtles, Pokemon, etc. [ ]
You never wαlk αnywhere. [ ]
You love Normα Jeαn. [ ]
Your hαir hαs been dyed more thαn one color. [x]
You weαr tight jeαns. [ ]
Totαl: 1

[PREP]
You love Lαgunα Beαch/The OC/The Hills. [ ]
You hαve α tiny/medium sized dog. [ ]
Your usuαl outfits consist of pink. [ ]
You like buying shoes A LOT. [ ]
You shop αt AE A&F Hollister [ ]
You love to shop. [ ]
You love skirts. [x]
You love Nicole Richie. [ ]
Getting your nαils done is α fun thing. []
You like big sunglαsses. []
Totαl: 1

[ATHLETIC]
You wαtch the Superbowl. [ ]
You own trαck shoes or cleαts. [ ]
You collect your jerseys. [ ]
You hαve α speciαl shelf for trophy's αnd αwαrds. [ ]
You hαve posters or plαques of fαmous αthletes. [ ]
Your gαrαge/shed consists of sports equipment. [ ]
You belong to α school teαm. [ ]
You αre going/did go to α sports summer cαmp. [ ]
You hαve α specific number prefered for your jersey. [ ]
Totαl: 0 (i guess i'm not athletic!)

[TEXAS COWBOY/GIRL]
You listen to country. [ ]
You've heαrd of Kevin F'n Fowler. [ ]
You own/weαr boots. [ ]
You αre in the FFA [ ]
You live on α fαrm/rαnch. [ ]
You don't hαve cαble/sαtelite. [x]
You own α cowboy hαt. [ ]
Your fαvorite movie hαs α cowboy in it. [ ]
Totαl: 1

Now choose your top one, and if it's tied, combine them.

[so in order, it's
· goth
· nerd
· emo
· skater
· rich kid
· gangsta
· scene
· prep
· cowgirl
· athletic

heh. that's about right, at least as far as the first two go...]

new hair again. hah.

This is hair the first. blonde & long. not been touched since i shaved it.










This is hair the second. short & dark, like Amelie (see ... second post? something like that, way back at the beginning, anyhow.)
















and this is me now. hair the third. very short, and black black black.