tungsten wins!

argh. the lightbulb in my bedroom burnt out yesterday. and so i had to change the bulb, of course. and the only spare lightbulb we have in the house is one of those stupid twisty fluorescent ones. ew ew ew. so i had to put it in my room. and now my room is all blue-green. NASTY. i hate those lightbulbs so much. give me a good old tungsten one every time, never mind the energy waste. please. the colour is so much nicer.
now i do have a little table lamp with a tungsten bulb in it - but i can't only use a lamp, i have sewing to do, and i don't have enough light with just the lamp. so i HAVE to use a fucking fluorescent. grrrrr.

i want to go to sleep.



so i'm really quite proud of myself - yesterday at work, i was on cash (supposed to be in the fitting room, but we'll let that be), and this lady tried to buy a shirt and a pair of pants. came to forty-something. she tried to pay with a fifty. it was a fake. and i knew it. the paper was the wrong weight, there was no watermark, and when you look through it, there's supposed to be segments of lines that line up to make a 50, and those segments didn't line up properly. so i got bragging rights at the huddle after closing. *grins*

i'm also contemplating getting my lip pierced. a labret, probably. though spiderbites looks pretty cool too - but i'm not sure if i want to go with two - might be a bit extreme for me :) the only thing would be my dear mennonite grandparents - who don't like piercings or tattoos at all. so i would have to wear one of those plastic things - which apparently you can't put in for four to six weeks. so i would have to do it now, probably.

and i'm thinking i want to go back to my natural hair colour - that'll probably involve me buzzing my hair off in a couple weeks - i'll probably use a medium comb on the buzzer so that it cuts off my hair just below the dye line. i'll still have about an inch left on my head though, it won't be all gone :) and then from there i'll grow it out.

and i think that's about it for now, toodles people!

oh yeah - who's reading that got redirected from levisan? because apparently most of my blog traffic is from there - and i know i used to be on his blogroll (though i can't see the blogroll anymore *coughcough.exposurepleaselevi.coughahem*) ....... anyhow.
and howdy blog traffic in general - comment and let me know where you came from - how you found me, etc!


squelchbaker out.




The website where I'm site moderator.

*cackles evilly*

another lame poem.

backed up against the walls you thought protected you
and there's no excuse now
when you shut people out
you also shut yourself in.

you're haunted by the wolves your twisted mind creates
and they're coming after you
but you have no defense now
you're locked inside your head.

the only weapons within your reach are the ones that you shut out
and your friends cannot help you
you're going to have to break out
to let down your guard and be honest.

backed up against the walls you thought protected you
and now it is time
to let the beasts melt away
in the warmth of the sun
don't shut yourself in
don't shut your friends out
be free.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2009


i'm thinking that i might do a photo-countdown to halloween. halloween is one of my favourite holidays, after christmas - the skulls, the spiderwebs, the gargoyles, the mummies, and the miscellaneous ghouls all make me happy to the bottom of my black black gothy heart. plus the costumes. costumes rock. so look out for photos of halloweeny, costumy and/or gothy stuff - hopefully every day - from october first to october thirty-first. i might fizzle out before the end of it - and i probably won't be able to do them every day either - but i'll do my best. plus i have a whole load of wicked cemetery photos i can use as filler if i don't manage to get one for a day or whatever. so that'll be alright.
haven't got much else to say today, maybe i'll post a poem later.
squelchie out.


Oranges with Cupcakes.

... I was going to try to write a pathetic depressed emo poem in blank verse (non-rhyming poetry all in iambic pentameter) ... but that's too structured for me, and I'm not doing it for school. So I have no reason to actually do it. I got as far as the first line and a half - but I have no drive to finish it. So you lot will have to suffer without my attempt at iambic pentameter.
Actually, if I write a decent length poem in iambic pent, I find myself thinking in it. Which is really depressing. Because it's all da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM - so boring.
I just finished a Strongbow, and I'm missing my boyfriend - the Strongbow's probably exacerbating that, but whatever.
Gahh. My life is so uninteresting. Eat, sleep, miss boyfriend, work, make stupid mistakes at work, miss boyfriend's comforting arms, go on computer, miss boyfriend.
That's a summary of my usual day now.
Lame life.
Oh yeah and this morning I tried to tattoo a cross onto the inside of my left ring finger as a permanent reminder to stay pure - my version of a purity ring (aren't I a copycat? ugh. And by the way, I hate purity rings - so why the fuck am I putting a permanent one on myself?) ... but apparently it's very difficult to tattoo yourself on the inside of your hand. It seriously fucking hurts. And I don't even know if I did it deep enough to stay. I'll find out in a couple of weeks - if it vanishes, then the ink grew out with the skin and therefore wasn't deep enough; and if it doesn't, then I'll really have to touch it up, cos it looks like shit. Oh well.



When I put my finger on my neck, I can feel my heartbeat. I can count the beats. I can tell if it speeds up, and if it slows down. And lately, it's been doing a lot more speeding up than usual. I would guess that that indicates higher than normal levels of adrenaline in my blood.

Adrenaline acts on the sympathetic branch of the nervous system. It makes your heart beat faster and stronger; it makes your pupils dilate; it slows digestion; it constricts your blood vessels; and I think it probably also increases blood sugar levels. I get adrenaline rushes when I'm startled, when I'm angry - and when I'm with you. Hell, when I think about you I get an adrenaline rush. My heart beats faster, stronger; my pupils dilate; I go on a little bit of a sugar high.

I don't even have to be around you. But I'd much rather be around you than just think about you. Because when I'm around you, life just feels so much better. When I'm around you, it's kind of like being drunk. Which could be considered unsafe, since alcohol lowers inhibitions, so for you to be like my alcohol could potentially mean that there could be trouble. But I don't think so. I think we'll be fine.

But when I'm around you, and I put my finger on my neck, I can feel my heartbeat. And I can feel that my heart's about to burst, break, explode, and rupture from sheer joy - and also from adrenaline.



to the edges
of all known maps


not finding.

the vague
and the unpredicted
lies ahead
a mist clouds sight
dulls hearing
numbs mind


always searching.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2009



earth is invasion
womb of land and sky
safety in
dagger to
the heart of things.

down the spine
like eggshells
voices cry to the night to bring


memory like clouds
in the desert, solitude.

joined one to the other
one heartbeat

of crows
crying in the wilderness
like the voice

and corpses.

going, going, gone
wheels still spin
beyond jupiter, neptune, pluto

wheels within wheels
call across worlds
the womb of sea, land, sky, man.

in existence
a dagger
to the heart of things

and the cherubim call.

stand with eyes

by flame and by fire

waken, awake!
awake, words,
lest you come too late.
tumble from lips touched
by fire.

call, cry out, thou cherubim!
and thou, o seraphim, thou too!
call to all to live once again
fly thou all and take the earth by storm
the air, too, is thine.

surrender thy soul,
womb of man, o earth -
surrounded art thou and
seek thou the touch
of thy savior.

cry, cry, o cherubim.
call thou to the earth.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2009

The City.

The remains of once-beautiful spires reached mournfully up to the morning sky, throwing snaggle-toothed shadows across the silent City. A trio of buzzards circled hopefully for any sign of movement. Not the least breath of air stirred the dry leaves that were scattered across the scarred and dusty roads. Rubble lay everywhere, the last vestiges of walls, of houses, of restaurants and shops. The last crumbling sections of the City Walls were a warning of destruction and despair. The only living things within ten miles were the rats who fed on the bones of those who had died there.

And it was to this broken City that she must come. Not knowing what she would find; not knowing, even, what she was looking for. Only that it was imperative that she find it, whatever it was.

The City was built near mountains, rugged and dry, and a desert sat at its doorstep.

...... to be continued, cos i'm off to work, i guess.

i really should write a REAL post instead of one of these lame memes.

The Bucket List. Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not.

Things you have done during your lifetime:
( ) Gone on a blind date
( ) Donated Blood (Can't - I was in the UK for too long.)
( ) Skipped school
(X) Watched someone die
(X) Been to Canada

( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter

(X) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
( ) Hugged a homeless person
(X) Been to Africa
( ) Swam with Stingrays

( ) Been sailing in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
( ) Ran a marathon

( ) Sang Karaoke (unless you count SingStar)
( )Volunteered at a soup kitchen
( ) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(X) Seen the Northern Lights

( ) Been Parasailing
( ) Been on TV
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( ) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans

(X)Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) Fed an elephant
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Fired a gun
( ) Danced in the rain-naked (but I confess I want to)

( ) Been to the Opera
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Serenaded someone
( ) Seen a U.S. President in person
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe.

( ) Watched the sunrise with someone
( ) Driven a race car...
(X) Been to a National Museum
( ) Been to a Wax Museum
( ) Eaten escargot

(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States

( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
(X) Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets

(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Grand Canyon
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( )Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle

( ) Been on a cruise
(X) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
(X) Been horseback riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco cable car

( ) Been to Disneyland OR Disney World
(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer
(X) Been in a rain forest (technically, the wet coast of bc is considered a rainforest. it's not a tropical one, but it is a rainforest.)
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant

( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Been wake boarding
( ) Been water-skiing

( ) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
( ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Football League game

( ) Swam with sharks
( ) Been White Water Rafting
( ) Written a book or screen play (but I want to)


gone like a falling star.


like a ring, down the drain

like a crashed hard-drive
files wiped

gone like

a sock in a dryer

a piece of paper in a fire
turned to ashes

gone like a

falling star

wave on the beach
crashed once, disappeared forever

i'm gone

head over heels

i'm so gone over you

like a falling star
like a piece of paper in the fire.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2009


you know, i've decided - i like blogging.
it's fun.

so i was at work yesterday - the last day of orientation, woot. orientation's so boring - anyways. for the last half hour, they had us sorting shoes. which you'd think would be boring, but there was four of us madly rushing around pairing up shoes and making them tidy, and we managed to sort four racks' worth, and it was really kind of fun. i am not a tidy person (at least, my room's not) but i do like organising things. a lot. one of my favourite places to be is sitting in an office sharpening pencils. no joke.

and i now have an eight-hour shift tomorrow doing cash training. god help me. i've never done cashier duty ever ever before. i'm going to be so confused. so please, if you go through winners between 2 and closing time, and you go through my register, BE PATIENT WITH ME! pretty please?

and i miss my man - i haven't seen him since the twenty-second of august.

happy first of september.

um. yeah. i think that's it. oh yeah i've been working on a canvas corset, single-layer, with hand-stitched eyelets. and i am almost done! 9 left out of 34 eyelets. oh yeah. but it's SO BORING, like you would not believe.

okay. toodles.