So that went surprisingly well, I guess

Remember how I mentioned that my phone got left in the rain for several hours, and then was acting erratic yesterday?
Well, it continued to act erratic (although I suppose it was slightly better after the bowl of rice) - including the power/sleep button not working properly, and just other generally unusual and improper behaviours - most of yesterday evening and then all day today.

So then when I got home from work and it wouldn't charge, I got fed up and said, "Phone, I'm going to expose your guts now."
And that's what I did. I took my sonic screwdriver (because I'm cool like that), removed the back of the phone, and detached the circuit board from the front.
I wiped off the bits that looked like they might possibly still be damp, and put the whole lot back together.

Lo and behold, the power button works properly, somehow, but now the speaker isn't working - which means if my phone rings, I can't hear it. At all. Even though that was one thing that worked fine even after the rain incident.

What do I do but take it all apart again, cos clearly I didn't put it back together properly. Except I did put it back properly the first time; there was no reason for it not to be working. Put it all back a second time.

I turned it on. Now the speaker's not working and the power button's gone screwy again, same as before the surgery. Bah!
Take it apart for a third try, then put it back again.

Crossing my fingers, I turn it on for the third time.

Everything works. What the actual fuck. I changed exactly nothing between the first time I took it apart, and the third time I put it back together, and yet somehow, I broke it worse and then fixed it. Don't ask me.

At any rate, I have a working phone again, after three of what I might just call autopsies. Yay.

And that's my update. Toodles!

i am Elizabeth.

this is not right
i'm not you -
nor are you me.
so why are you taking
my identity?

you're putting my name
to your face
and mirroring me,
commandeering my space
copying, aping,
stealing, invading

my life is not yours
so what do you see
that's missing in your life
that you'd take from me?

i am Elizabeth
that's not your name
i know who you are
and we're not the same.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2011

too late for lemonade.

life threw me a lemon but i don't know whether to make lemonade with it or throw it across the room and hope it goes through a window on its way out the door, so i sit here and watch it moulder on the table and i wonder what to do with it, because in all honesty the mold is making quite a pretty blue-green-and-white garden on my poor little lemon, but on the other hand i'm afraid the spores'll make me sick and then i'll catch pneumonia and die, and then where will i be? so i really ought to throw the poor lemon away, i think, but i really have grown quite atttached to it. maybe i'll freeze it in carbonite, then i'll have it forever - or maybe i can paint a portrait of it sitting there, and THEN i'll throw it out. i'll decide later. for now, i'll just watch it moulder.

oh, i'm the type of girl that likes to roam around ... ?

so way back a couple of weeks ago i had an interview/tryout at a little inn as housekeeping staff. basically the head housekeeper took me around a room and showed me how they clean it, then had me do a room by myself. so i found out the other day that i get paid for that, cos i was kind of technically working for them. so i got my check this afternoon. only 12.75, but heck, any money's good right now. in the bank it went, and then i was going to use it to go pick up some stuff that i needed. so i'm waiting to cross a street, and this guy with wonky teeth comes up to me.

guy: are you going this way?
me: yes i am.
guy: i'm going to tim horton's. [waves a fistful of coinage at me] where are you going?
me: i don't really know where i'm going. [meaning, "i haven't made up my mind where i'm going to pick up the stuff i need."]
guy: you mean like you're a wanderer?
me: [chuckling to myself] i guess you could say that.
guy: it's funny how people don't know where they're going. wanderer is my word for people who don't know where they're going.
me: it's a good word. [cycles off as the light changes]

it seems to be my luck, to have oddball conversations with guys with odd teeth. see "apparently i'm ... impressive." "and .... viciously gorgeous." for previous examples. now not only am i impressive, i'm a wanderer. an impressive wanderer? um... okay. [insert expressive shrug here]

And you have a privacy policy why?

To whom it may concern:

I have a serious complaint to make.
Recently I began receiving newsletters from your company. To my knowledge, I have never signed up for your website or your newsletters, and nor did I ever want to. The only reason that comes to mind that could possibly explain why I inexplicably began receiving what I can only think of as SPAM would be that about two months ago I dropped off a resume at a Bluenotes location in the Cottonwood Mall in Chilliwack, BC, where I live.
In my mind, dropping off a resume is merely an application for work, NOT a request to have my address (whether email or physical) given out for gratuitous and uninvited mailings. I feel highly displeased that my information would be abused in such a manner, and as a result, I will no longer be shopping at any Bluenotes locations.
Please remove my email address from your mailing list immediately.
Thank you.

here i am.

so here i am,
i'm completely lost
and totally confused.
you're shadow-boxing
and fighting with ghosts
and it does no good
it solves nothing.

i want to comfort you
i want to help you
but i don't know how.
all i know is
i don't see the real you yet.
i see the layers
that you cover yourself with.

i can't fix you
for you.
that's not my job.

all i can do
is stand here
waiting for you
to be ready to be real.
so here i am.

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

this WAS going to be a poem, but i changed my mind.

so just a quick update.
psalm 91 had a show in vancouver on saturday, it went pretty well, we get a video and an EP out of it, so that's cool.
i'm currently in a multitude of dilemmas, including one about where i'm going to live, and one about what i'm going to take at school, and one about what i'm going to do for a job, and one about what i'm going to do for transport (car???? driver's licence?????????? ehhhhh..... ), and the list goes on. so yeah.
jeff and i are coming up to one year dating, in a week - woot! love you jeff!
also, i got a new hole through my face on wednesday last week - i have a lip ring, bottom right. i WILL post pictures as soon as i can get my camera hooked up to a computer. have patience.
and yeah, i think that's about it for now.
love you all.

humpty dumpty sat on the wall

i feel like an ant, trying to carry the world on my back, but it's getting all tangled up and i keep tripping over it, and all the eggs that i'm not allowed to count just keep cracking into pieces like glass bottles, and there's no use crying over spilt milk when the bottles break, cos you can't put it back in, it's like humpty dumpty, all the men in the king's service couldn't fix him, well, you can't fix me either, cos i'm shattered to bits and i'm lost in a tunnel that i can't see the light at the end of.
it's dark, dark, dark, and i can hear a train coming, i can feel the vibration in the tracks, and there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, i can't get away, it's coming, and i'll be smashed into pieces, squished like an ant on the sidewalk, poor little ant, it's just trying to do what it knows best and then it gets squished by some careless person's foot, stomping around like an enormous elephant.
and here i am, all in pieces just like that, and i'm still trying to carry the world, but it keeps slipping and falling and rolling down the hill, and i have to run all the way back and pick it up and try to drag it all the way up the hill again, like pails of water, but they keep spilling, and so i have to go all the way back to the well to fill them up first, it's way too much effort for this one task, but i can't help it if they decide to run off and make things difficult for me, it's the dish and the spoon all over again, and what do i do?
i'm trying to paint but it keeps going everywhere but on the canvas, my brushes are falling apart, my paint's drying up, my canvas is torn, everything's old and useless here, and i have no reason to keep trying, cos i know humpty's just going to break again, and the ant's just going to get squished again, and i keep tripping over the tangled-up world on my back.

safe again

i have nothing left to give
empty and alone
and here i am again
following a distant shape

your arms are far away
i can't get there on my own
come and help me
i'm lost in the wilderness

only you can find me,
only you can bring me home
only you can hold me here, safe again

you call me, you beckon me
i can hear you, so faintly
please hold my hand
because i'm drowning here

only you can find me
only you can bring me home
only you can hold me here, safe again
safe again

your love is
the only thing
that keeps me
alive and breathing
your love is
the only thing
i need

only you can find me
only you can bring me home
only you can hold me here, safe again
safe again

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010

one plus one

how do you quantify meaning?
how do you measure a word?
how do you explain the sum of what you say
plus what you mean?
and why is there a difference?
there are only words and more words.
so then how can you say what you mean,
when every word means something different
to another person?

blue means blue, but it may not mean the same shade
to you
as it does to me.
more so with abstract thoughts
like love
and death
anger, shame, greed
fear and frustration
yours and mine

black and white blur to grey
nothing's solid where words are involved
and "you" and "i" are not twins
only cousins
and the endless horizon goes right round the earth
til it ends where you're standing.
when does black stay black, and white stay white?
where is the line between one word and another?
it's a line in the sand, blurry at best,
and it blows away at the lightest breath of air.

how do you quantify meaning?
there is no rule.
no hard and fast one-plus-one makes two
and so the line gets blurred
and i get confused
i see a mud puddle
where another sees a crystal
and vice versa.
so then how can you say what you mean,
when every word means something different
to another person?

© Elizabeth Klassen 2010