[please nobody get offended at the beginning, kay? keep reading to the end before you judge me.]
dear beloved tim hortons customers:
i would like to say thank you for contributing towards my paycheque. it's much appreciated. because of you, i can pay rent and eat food.
however. i would like to make note of a few things.
first of all, it's an everything bagel. herb & garlic is a cream cheese. let's not get them mixed up, okay? because when you ask for a herb & garlic bagel, we kind of get confused, since you can put herb & garlic on pretty much any kind of bagel you want.
speaking of which: i do not understand cinnamon raisin bagels with herb & garlic on them.
secondly, you can ask for a double double all you want, but we still need to know what size it is.
third: no, we can't take your [insert name of disposable item here] through the drive-thru window. there's a garbage can just before the speaker box for a reason.
also, if you're in the drive-thru and we ask you to wait a moment at the speaker box til we can take your order, that is not the cue to tell us you want an extra-large french vanilla and a regular ham-and-swiss on white, toasted, extra ranch, no tomato, and a box of twenty timbits, half sour cream glazed, half honey cruller. because we can't take that order.
and if we ask you to speak up when you're in the drive-thru lane, it's because we can't hear you, not because we're stupid.
lastly, the vanilla dip has a name.
if i didn't enjoy serving you your four-by-fours and boston creams, your sausage breakfast sandwiches and your ice capps, i wouldn't still be doing it. yes, sometimes you frustrate me. yes, sometimes you irritate me. but sometimes you bring a smile to my face.
and i honestly enjoy hearing the order "two large double doubles, extra-large triple triple, extra-large double double, and a sesame bagel toasted with herb & garlic," every morning at 2.30-3ish, and being able to say, "you know your total, please pull up to the window!"
some of you only turn up once in a while, some of you are regulars. some of you order exactly the same thing every time, some of you like to switch it up. it doesn't matter. i still like you. you're all awesome people.
so thank you, tim hortons customers.
please keep coming back.
just get your order right, kay?