the sky

sometimes i just want to get out of here. go see the sky, you know? i miss the sky. i haven't seen it in ages. i have no windows in here, only bars. bars. and more bars. it would be nice to see the sky again, see the stars at night, the moon, the sun - feel rain and wind on my face. one of the things i miss most is the smell of a thunderstorm in summer, after it's been hot and dry for a while, and it's just starting to rain and all the dust comes up and the sky goes real dark and you hear thunder way way away where you know it can't get you - you know how kids are scared of thunderstorms? i used to hide under my blankets and hope it wasn't going to reach down and grab me - but if it was quiet enough i knew that it couldn't reach. and the lightning. i miss how it burns itself onto your eyes if you're lucky enough to be looking at the right spot when it hits. i always hated the power-outs that happened during thunderstorms. i was afraid the candles were going to fall down and burn the house from the inside out. course, there was that time when i burnt a house down, just like i was afraid i was going to. but my lawyer said to tell everyone it was an accident. so i did. i told everyone it was an accident, just like the time they found me with the dead guy and my lawyer said to say i was set up. yeah, that guy was not a nice guy. he yelled at me. he hit me and tried to make me leave. he also tried to take away my gun. i like my gun. i don't like when people try to take it. i swear i didn't mean to. it was real fast - i couldn't do anything about it. the others yelled at me after that. they didn't like that the guy was dead. but it wasn't my fault, honest. the little girl was my fault though. i was sorry about that. they said she screamed. they said she was traumatised - what does traumatised mean? - and that's why i'm in here. because of her. in this place with no windows, where i can't smell the fresh air any more. i miss the sky.

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